I recently heard a You tube video with Jim Rohn and he had a clip entitled, “The Day That Turns Your Life Around.”  For any of you that have not heard it, I will share his wisdom and the actual video.  Jim Rohn was mentor to Tony Robbins, inspirational speaker and motivator. 

Here are 4 words that can turn your life around:

1. DISGUST – I’ve had it!  E N O U G H – you have hit your you know what level.
2. DECISION MAKING – Time to clean up a list of decisions.  You make lists, you study the opportunities and now it’s time to actually take action.
3. DESIRE – Wanting something bad enough.  You hear a song, a sermon, a conversation with a friend that makes you think.  When we have our walls down, we can then welcome all experiences.  It starts with desire.
4. RESOLVE – Say I will do it and actually do it.  Promising yourself that you’ll never give up.  You don’t give up until it makes sense to give up.

When you don’t allow to let go of your past, it creates barriers and walls for your future.

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.

Jim Rohn

Determination, Insight, encouragement, inspiration awakening, change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, positive thinking, Self love

Happy Valentine’s Day – I thought a blog post on love would be appropriate for this day of LOVE - Hugh Prather in his book, “The Quiet Answer” states……

 “Love should be as effortless as breathing and as indiscriminate as falling snow.  Love is a state of mind or a vision that handles all things equally.  There is only one kind of love, the uncalculated kind.”

The word alone – LOVE – sets our minds dancing.  It stirs emotions in us and brings us to a state of bliss.  People talk about falling in love or like I often say rising in love –(it’s a more positive way of stating an action).  I reflect on Hugh Prather’s quote as I earlier stated and one thing that resonates in me:

Love should be as effortless as breathing and as indiscriminate as falling snow. 

If we took this statement and really contemplated it –

Then why do we make love so hard?  Why does it have to be so complex? 

Love involves the heart – to me it’s like a heartbeat – never skips a beat and always constant – without it we would be dead.  It’s as profound as the ocean in depth and its currents ebbs and flows – ebbs and flows.  Love is a selfless act – so many books, poems, songs and articles are written on this subject. 

We are all curious about it and lucky the ones that have truly loved and felt loved.  I am happy to report that I have been one.

Love triggers endorphins in our brains – we can’t stop thinking of that person, we imagine ourselves in their presence even when we’re not together.  It makes you feel happy and giddy.  I would simply describe it as magical.  You want to be in each other’s daily lives. 

There are so many types of love – romantic love, agape love, love for a child, love for our families, love for a stranger, and love for our friends; each stirring up different emotions and feelings.  As I sit and write this, I am watching and admiring a vast ocean and I am in love with the beauty of nature;  with the sun and its rays twinkling like fairy dust upon its surface.  As each new day dawns the love of life that’s experienced.  I just told an old friend this morning – I believe in love and have so much love to give – my heart is filled with it…….

There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing two people in love. 

For those who want love in your lives, I suggest you start visualizing what it looks like to you.  Call it onto yourself – it’s magical – be patient – it will come!  One thing that I ask is that you don’t settle – you deserve exactly what you want.  Trust your heart and believe that he’s out there especially for you.  Call it what you wish – the Law of Attraction, the Power of the Universe or as simple as I BELIEVE in LOVE for we are made in the image of LOVE!

Sometimes you have to love yourself and that other person to let them go if you are in a toxic relationship.  At this point, it’s also love to let go…..

Before I end this blog on love – one most important thing – you MUST learn to love yourself before you can ever love another.  In the movie Jerry McGuire he tells Renee Zellweger – “You Complete Me” – I say, no one can complete you but certainly can strengthen you – so maybe a better line would be – “You Strengthen Me” – but you know Hollywood and completions sounds better than strengthening…..You must complete yourself before anyone else can complete you.   So like I often say my religion is love, love and more love.  You can never give enough love; so GIVE, GIVE and GIVE some more!

Remember, may the possibilities of love today excite us all!

encouragement, love encouargement, love

Paul Boese, a botanist who lived in the late 1600s early 1700s once stated, “Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” I pondered on this quote, and the more I pondered the more aware of his words and meaning.

To forgive is not to forget, but forgiveness is the first step in healing ourselves.  We have to start somewhere.  Forgive someone that has wronged us, not due to the fact they deserve to be forgiven but only because we love ourselves so much that we don’t need to keep carrying the un-forgiveness baggage around.  Believe me it truly weighs you down.  How many people do you know including yourself that carry this heavy burden around all day and night with them?  They are the ones that have the bitter faces because they don’t know how to forgive another for their injustice to them.

To forgive means to heal.  Healing ourselves is the way to wholeness.  To be the best person we can be for ourselves first.  To forgive is to be noble.  I often state to people when I speak of forgiveness – “If our Creator has forgiven us so many times over for our failings, how can we be more powerful and Omni-potent than HIM and not forgive our fellow man.”  By not forgiving we make ourselves larger than life and larger than our Creator.  Believe me we are not that BIG my friends.

Forgive because we LOVE ourselves!

Learn then to forgive, you will get rid of so much weight and excess baggage off your shoulders and in your heart; but don’t forgive haphazardly, forgive with your whole heart – mean it – say it – you will release so much and not only that you will feel empowered!  Forgive your parents, your brothers, sisters, friends, forgive GOD!  Forgive yourself for all your mishaps and failings – acceptance will begin at that time.  So take the time to write that letter to someone that has wronged you, or make the phone call to let them know that they are forgiven.  It’s a beautiful thing and so much joy will be awaiting you.

The acceptance and love of self is to forgive.

You will definitely know when you have forgiven someone – when you see the person or a picture of them and it does not cause any emotional reactions.  Believe me its freeing – it’s an emotional release – it’s so healing and it moves you to a place of peace.  Going back to that quote from Paul Boese, our past cannot be changed, but surely our futures can be enlarged by the choices we make and my only hope is that someone can read this and it may stir a change in them in a way that they will either forgive someone or ask for forgiveness from someone in their life.

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

JOY, encouragement, forgiveness, inspiration, motivation encouragement, forgiveness, inspiration, motivation

by Peter Kane

While I have coached my clients about how to best use online dating sites for many years it was only a few years ago I tried it for myself. I have only used Match.com a few times since and each time I would only have my profile visible for a week or two. A few of the times I pulled my profile because I had met someone with whom I was pursuing a relationship. Other times, I hid my profile because I wanted privacy – I felt sensitive to having my profile seen in the community and wanted to reduce the chances of my clients seeing it.

Of all my opinions and experiences with online dating, when to hide or remove your profile, is probably the area where my feelings have changed or expanded the most. At first, I nearly felt that if I kissed someone that I should hide my profile (and vise versa). As a man who has a strong investment in being sexually appropriate and respectful, I certainly felt that once I was clear that I wanted to be lovers with someone that I should remove my profile. I also felt vulnerable if the other person kept their profile visible when they were seeing me.

I was once even offended and hurt when someone with whom I had a strong second date (which included some kissing, and plans to see each other again soon), seemed to be very active online, or as Match said “online now.” I had another woman whom I became lovers with keep her profile up, and when I asked her about it she said ‘she wanted to be monogamous but she also felt we should be open about meeting other people….. And, if she did become lovers with someone else that she would not expect to continue seeing me.’ She did take her profile down soon after, only to put it back up again weeks later. While I am not the most jealous person in the world I did instinctively know to look for her profile, and when I saw it, I discussed it with her and told her I could not go “deep” with someone who was “shopping.” Her Facebook page seems to indicate that she was shopping for someone with more discretionary income than I had.

I had another two-month relationship with someone I met on Match.com end when she put her profile back up without telling me. When I asked her about this, she said ‘that’s how I meet friends.’ I promptly ended that too.

So, what is right for you? What do you need? Here are some variables I think it is helpful to consider:

-Hiding or removing your profile may help to develop trust.

-We also need to move as slow as we can, and some people may feel pressured of suffocated if you remove your profile.

-Discuss this with the person you are dating and be clear on what it all means to each of you.

-Try to not behave like an addict that is always online. That’s not sexy.

-Remember that we can’t trust Match.com’s clock or what it really means to be “online now.”

-Consider minimizing the time you go online by: Not responding to emails that don’t interest you; Saving or printing profiles that interest you so you can look at them again without being online; Doing all your correspondence once or twice a week; and moving to regular email with people you are communicating with ASAP. I am guessing the validity of these ideas would vary from site to site, and would change over time as these sites change. Do you do these? What else?

-Additionally, I think it is best to not have your profile up for long periods of time. The first week I tried Match, I had a very sweet woman tell me ‘Peter, you don’t want to keep your profile up for too long, it is weird seeing the same people over and over.’ As time went on I definitely noticed this too. There were times when I wasn’t seeing anyone and would look at profiles, and I would see the same people over and over. In general, I think most of us are less likely to trust these people. We are apt to view them as players or serial daters.

-Remember your worth. It might be a good thing if the person you are dating is still online. It might help them realize how amazing you are.

This last idea speaks the most to what has evolved for me about online dating and when to hide or remove your profile. I have relaxed a bit. How someone deals with their profile and how they communicate with me would still be a key to my trusting them (See Internet Dating Parts I-IV). I would also remember to be impeccable, congruent and integral with your own participation. But also try to relax and see life as a global village of friends, who in this case, are trying to find a pen pal, friend, lover or partner.

And as a central theme of my book says:

May we all have “The Strength to Want.”

Peter

http://www.peterkane.org/

Peter Kane awakening, insight, inspiration, internet dating, motivation

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”—

Ralph Nichols

Have you ever been in a situation that you needed an “ear” from a friend – someone that could be there and allow you to talk, cry or just vent?

BUT INSTEAD….

You get someone that gives you advice, tells you what you should do and isn’t giving you what you need…..

So I dedicate this post to all of you that have given your ear and time to listen.  KUDOS and GOOD JOB!

So many times in life we want a good friend that can sit by us and truly listen – the word here is:

L I S T E N

No voice, no advice only to listen.  The listener allows you to vent, to cry, and to express your feelings.

This is a true joy to have a friend that allows this gift.  Yes, it truly is a gift.

We all can be better listeners.

We have agendas; we don’t want people to hurt.  We want to offer advice and solve problems.

B U T

Not always do we need someone to solve our problems.  Not always do we need advice.

S O ME T I M E S

We want someone to JUST LISTEN.

So next time you’re in a situation where a friend comes to you and wants to “TALK” it might be a good thing to ask –

“Did you want me to just listen?”

O R

“Do you want my opinion and advice?”

This shows compassion, love and respect for the individual.

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

Insight, Listening, encouragement, inspiration compassion, Listening

It occurred to me as I was rushing this morning at 7 am to my BFF’s house, to provide emotional support for her during a heated financial “discussion” with her ex-husband, all the things we just “do” when asked. We cancel appointments;  take time off of work; slip into small, mirrored, badly lit dressing rooms to give honest critiques; loan our best clothes; tell the truth -  no matter what.

 When called upon we “just do it”, even when we don’t want to, because that’s just what women do for women.  We lie, fabricate, pretend, tread where other do not dare. We become warriors for each other – warning others “not to go there.” We share yucky secrets  (the one’s we can barely put into words), like that one-night stand we’ d really rather forget. We hold each other’s hands during scary biopsies, and sit for hours in divorce courts. We drive to colonoscopies, plastic surgeons, pediatricians, ex mother in laws — but mostly, we listen. We learn to recognize the small shifts in each other’s voices that tell us it’s time for a lunch or a drink or a long phone conversation, even if it’s the same conversation we’ve been having for years. We simply LISTEN – and we never, ever bring it up again, no matter what. We tell each other the hard stuff like “you’re drinking too much,” “you need to lose a few pounds,” “take my hair appointment, you need a trim,” “I ran into your boyfriend where he shouldn’t have been.”

 And we love each other fiercely, instinctively and often longer than many marriages.

 LONG LIVE GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!

BIO:  

Patti Hawn is author of GOOD GIRLS DON’T a deeply personal first-hand account of what it was like to be trapped in an unwanted pregnancy at the close of an era where home economics took precedence over sex education. I gave up my child for adoption —-found him 40 years later…but this is where the typical adoption story begins…and ends. My book is available on Amazon and www.goodgirlsdontbook.com.

Patti Hawn Patti Hawn has worked on over thirty major motion pictures including some of the most acclaimed films of the last decade.  Her credits include Ghost, Glory, Overboard, and most recently, August Rush and Bride Wars.

Patti makes her debut literary effort with her memoir, GOOD GIRLS DON’T, that tells the story of the last generation of young women to experience life on the eve of the sexual revolution of the sixties and the passing of legislation legalizing abortion. It is a unique time in history, foreign to an entire generation of women, that resulted in an incredible number of reunions between birth parents and their children — 20, 30 and 40 years after.

Patti is the sister of the acclaimed actress Goldie Hawn. She resides in Manhattan Beach, California with her husband and travels to India, Nepal and Thailand where she works in humanitarian efforts.

Patti Hawn friendships, Girlfriends, help, inspiration, women friendship

Quick tips for holding onto happiness in the new year!!!

So often women find themselves in my office because they have lost their “happy”.  We have all kinds of profound conversations about what triggered the deep sadness, or anxiety, and what is contributing to it now.  We often explore old patterns and look at toxic relationships.  We examine their give and receive ratio (how much they are giving out to others, and how much they are allowing themselves to receive).   However, when it comes to feeling better quickly, we always have to go back to the basics….

1. SMILE often and especially in the mirror!  Yes, you are going to feel ridiculous, so just get over itJ  Muscle memory is a powerful thing, and you have every happy, joyful feeling stored in your cheek muscles.  So every time you go to smile, even if you aren’t in a particularly happy mood, you are triggering JOY.  The same way watching a fast food commercial can trigger a terrible craving for a mountain of French fries, smiling will trigger happy feelings.   Even better if you do it while looking in the mirror.  When you see yourself smiling, you are sending a powerful message to your subconscious mind that you are happy!  Your subconscious receives this info and then acts accordingly by sending out the powerful happy chemicals like serotonin!  Who doesn’t want that?!

 

2. At the beginning of your day, intend to BE HAPPINESS.  Take a minute in the morning in the shower to picture yourself throughout your day HAPPY.  What does happiness today look like, sound like, feel like?  Intend for nothing to get in the way of your happiness.  Intend to spread this happiness everywhere you go today.  Choose to spread positivity and be intentional about not going to the dark side (no complaining, criticizing, or negative statements today)!

 

3. Dress in colors that make you feel HAPPY, JOYOUS, & BEAUTIFUL!  Colors are one of the fastest ways to invite in new and happy energy.  When you are getting dressed in the morning, if your priority is to be happy, you should choose colors that make you feel happy.

 

4. Take 2 minutes out of your day to have compassion for yourself.  Most women look at me with a confused look when I say this….it’s alright if you are feeling confused a bit about what this looks like.  Stay with me!  Take 2 minutes or more to sit down by yourself and think about all that you have accomplished or dealt with today.  Put your hand over your heart and intend to send yourself some love.  The same way you would put an arm around a friend to comfort them.  If you are a visual person, picture your love as a color.  Send yourself bright pink and breath in this love and compassion in and out, until you are surrounded completely in this color.

 

5. Give yourself reminders around your house, office, and car, of your intentions to be happy.  You might write, “Today, I choose to live in limitless JOY!” on the bathroom mirror.  A good rule of thumb for any affirmation is that you say it to yourself, and then you take a deep breath and breathe it in to the deepest part of your soul, and say it again after your exhalation.

 

6. GET MOVING!  It doesn’t matter how you choose to do it, but choose to do it for 30mins a day.  You can dance, do some yoga, go for a walk or run, but get your body moving.  When your body is getting some healthy movement once per day, it is physically healthier and is better equipped to hold onto that happy feeling!

Happiness is a vibration like anything else.  It is an unconditional friend that will always come back to you when it is invited.  Intend to live it today, and watch how quickly you enjoy the benefits of its presence.  You so deserve in every way to be happy!

LOVE, LOVE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO YOU!

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

www.healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams encouargement, Happiness, insight, positive thinking, Self love

There are 3 things that we know for sure about life:  it has a beginning, it will end some day, and we should make the most of it while in between.

It’s the gap – the in between that I want to write about today.

This is what I call the GAP – the place between 2 places.

How are you living in the gap? 

Are you living in a timid place full of fear?

-or-

Are you living in JOY full of laughter and peace?

To fully live life out loud means to smell the roses, enjoy the view, take the opportunity to meet and smile at a stranger and truly touch a life for that moment in time.

Sometimes we take life so seriously that we forget to exhale.  We run from one place to the next place and forget where we’ve been.  RUSH, FAST, HURRY is part of our vocabulary.  We don’t make time for ourselves because we’re too busy taking care of everyone else.  We even think it’s selfish to make time for ourselves.

Allow me to dispel that myth.

It’s okay to take care of yourself – to breathe – to exhale.

In my opinion, if you don’t exhale then you are probably almost on the verge of burnout.  It’s time to charge your batteries and take care of YOU.

So I believe there is a co-relation between slowing down and living your life out loud.

Do the things that matter most in life like spending time with your family, your loved ones.  Take the time to show the most important people in your life that they matter and you care.  Take the time to spend with friends.  Take that spontaneous trip.  In fact, I write this post on an airplane flying to Chicago.  My son is a pilot and he had sent me a text the night before stating he was flying to my town and if I wanted to catch a flight to Chicago with him since he had a few days off.  I pondered, and yes I was busy with work but I had the opportunity and I seized the moment – YES – I will!  Work will always be there, errands to run will be run, work will get done but precious moments with loved ones leave you with the memories of a lifetime.  So memories I created by going to Chicago with Kevin.

“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

Happiness, JOY, Uncategorized, inspiration, motivation Happiness, joy

My very good friend Marci Calantonio uses these words over and over when we talk.  So when we hear things over and over we learn it and it becomes part of our vocabulary; or I hope so.

What does accountability, responsibility and setting healthy boundaries mean to you?

For me these words simply mean, do what you mean and mean what you do.

I believe it all starts with SELF.

How can we be accountable and responsible to someone else if we can’t be accountable to ourselves?

How do we become accountable and responsible to ourselves?

 By setting healthy boundaries.

In the dictionary the meaning of accountable states, “subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.”

Have your YES’s be YES and your NO’s be NO….

How many times have you been asked to do something and your first instinct is to say NO, but then you start to feel guilty or bad and you end up saying YES.  Your authentic self wanted to say NO and your mindful self stated YES.  Now you have conflict going on between your truth (heart) and your mind.

Are you being accountable to yourself?

If the answer is YES then WONDERFUL and if the answer is probably not, then how do we get to this place of accountability and responsibility?

By being TRUE to OURSELVES; by going deep within and nurturing that part of us that has lived out of truth to who we truly are, by changing our core beliefs (our tapes).

To knowing that in that gap where our truth lies is where peace comes from.  The place where we know all is good with the world and we can walk tall in confidence and in total commitment to ourselves. 

Setting healthy boundaries is key to accountability and responsibility.

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

healthy boundaries, responsiblity accountability, Healthy boundaries, Responsibility

As I said in my last blog – I recommend avoiding “interviewing” when you meet someone online or otherwise.  Some people do ask a lot of questions, mostly because they are insecure and not present with the natural flow of getting to know someone. Asking questions is a fair way to try to establish trust. I have often said that the purpose of communication is to learn to understand each other so we can feel safe enough to love and trust each other. But “interviewing” is this gone overboard, and it is not likely to leave us feeling more trusting after a first or second meeting. 

How do we learn to trust someone? This is a huge question, even if we don’t meet on a dating site.

Answer: move slowly and resolve your own issues.

Moving slowly creates space to learn about the other person in a more natural way. Taking the time to communicate via phone or email before a first meeting can expose people who are prone to getting distracted by the next “shiny new” person. It can expose people who are primarily looking for sex or money. It can give us a chance to learn about someone without subjecting the connection to the pressures of “The Fantasy Bond” (see Internet Dating #2 Getting Beyond the Fantasy or Chapter 23 of my book) or of anxiously asked questions. Moving slowly gives us more opportunities to see if someone is likely to be who they say they are, and it gives us time to self-soothe and work with, own, and resolve, our own trust issues!

Regardless of the relationship or how you meet, it seems that we all know that it is good to move slow, but in many ways few of us do move slowly. I think it is also valuable to notice that most discussion of moving slowly seems to be focused on not having sex too early. But what about after we make love? I think we should continue to try to move slowly after becoming lovers too and get to know someone without rushing too far forward. It will help if we continue to give the relationship and the person room to be themselves and evolve with us.

Another powerful aspect of trust is about learning to be truthful and authentic yourself. You can’t be aware and feel someone else’s misrepresentations when you are busy covering up your own. Notice how many people are complaining about other people’s deceptions, fear of people who are players, lying about age, relationship status, and more? If we are avoiding a hard truth about ourselves we will be less able to sense things in others because the energy we are spending selling our own selves results in our not being present to what the other is sharing (or not sharing) with us. Share honestly and you will attract more honesty.

And lastly, the ultimate in trust is in trusting your own worth. Relax into your value and you will have greater trust in others to do the same. Self-Soothing, Self-Soothing, Self-Sooooottthhhhiiiinnnngggg….

To soothing our wounds and trusting that we are valuable,

Peter

http://www.peterkane.org/

Peter Kane Dating, insight, internet dating