Hello Girlfriends – I wrote several blogs ago, “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”  Well, I’m going to continue along these lines.  Asking for help is a little different than allowing to be taken care of by others. 

Knowing you can care for yourself but allowing to be taken care of.

To allow our significant others, our girlfriends, our mothers, fathers, sisters, family to come to us and do things for us is priceless.  Not asking for help but allow the “Power of Receiving” and accepting this gift of being taken care of.

You may be asking what do you mean by being taken care of?  Well, this can be a simple gesture from a neighbor taking out your trash, picking up your mail or newspaper, to having someone volunteer to fix you dinner and bring it over to you or watch your children for a few hours while you take care of yourself.

Such a lovely thing to have someone unexpectedly bring you flowers, or cook a meal since they know you’ve been extremely busy at work.

How do you react when someone wants to do something wonderful for you? 

Do you accept graciously and say “thank you.”

Do you feel as if you have to reciprocate immediately? 

Do you not know what to say and end up saying, “you didn’t have to do this for me but it’s very kind nonetheless?” 

Next time this happens to you watch and feel your reaction to this kindness. 

For myself, I tell that person how grateful I am for their presence in my life and I simply smile in joy.  I call these wonderful surprises in life “GOD WINKS.”

Now of course it goes both ways, you too can do a kind gesture for others.  It’s always so much more gratifying to give then to receive.

Would love to hear your comments on how you feel when someone comes along and wants to take care of you?

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

Friends, help, inspiration, love, motivation, power of receiving being taken care of

Hello Girlfriends – I read the book, “The Four Agreements” when it first came out, and the book changed my perspective and the way I looked at things – It came to me at a very trying time of my life.  Since the Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz has discovered the “Fifth” Agreement.  I can tell you that I truly live by these “Five Agreements” and that living in the moment with these agreements close to my heart has brought me much comfort and peace…..

Hope by sharing these with you that you too will find comfort and peace!

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word – Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment.  It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

5. Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen – Don’t believe yourself or anybody else.  Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear:  Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.

The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz.

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Todays guest contributor is Amanda Owen - she is the author of The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve (Tarcher/Penguin) Learn more here www.ThePowerofReceiving.com

I used to chase after my goals as if they were prey and I was the hunter. Whether I focused with laser-like intensity, wrote a detailed grammatically correct wish-list or made bargains with God, I was a person who was on task. No half-hearted attempts from me!

When the goal-object of my affection—whether a desired writing project, a person or other goals—didn’t manifest, I would try to figure out what had gone wrong, what I could improve. Then, like Sisyphus rolling that boulder up the mountain, I would gather my energy for another try. It never occurred to me that only 50% was required from me to manifest my goal.

Most of us have been taught that if you want something, you should go after it. And it’s true that without initiative and activity, you will have a hard time accomplishing much of anything. But have you ever wondered what your goal wants from you?

If you think of your goal as checking you out to see if you are a good fit, it makes sense that being attractive to your goal is just as important as concentrating on what you want.

Follow these seven goal-writing tips and you will be well on your way to achieving your dreams.

1. Write Down Only One Goal

The reason that I advise starting with only one goal is so that you can give it your undivided attention. Many, many goals never get enough umph to manifest simply because too little attention is paid to them. If you focus on several goals at the same time, it’s a bit like double-dating. Can you blame a goal for feeling lukewarm about you or wanting to find someone else—someone who will appreciate it and give it lots of attention?

2. Write Down Your Goal in One Sentence

Writing your goal in one sentence forces you to be clear about what you want. People love it when you are concise. Nobody likes to play guessing games or to be held hostage listening to a long rambling list of requests or demands! It’s the same with your goal. So make sure your sentence is specific and concise.

3. Give Your Goal a Time Frame

Deadlines give you something to aim for whether you are training for a marathon, planning a wedding or finishing a work project. A goal is more likely to spring into action when it has ten days to deliver than if it has an unlimited amount of time to get it done.

4. Your Goal Should Be Simple and Specific

The more specific you are, the more your goal has to work with. This is true for any conversation or any relationship. But too much information up front can be a bit arduous for your goal. If you are on a first date, for example, and your date presents a long list of requirements that include specifics about love-making ability, plans for children and salary must-haves, would you think twice about seeing that person again?

5. Don’t Get Hung Up on How Your Goal Is Worded

If it’s not spelled correctly or the grammar is incorrect and you have a double negative in your sentence, don’t worry about it unless your goal is to be an English teacher. Just start the process.

6. Your Goal Should Be Measurable

You need to know when you have actually achieved your goal. For example, if your goal is to get a job, you will know whether you have a job or you don’t. If your goal is to be happy or to feel good, ask yourself how you will know that you have reached your goal.

7. Don’t Limit Yourself

Don’t decide ahead of time that your goal is unrealistic. Write exactly what you want. You are starting a relationship with your goal. You and the goal will work out some of the finer details as you get to know one another.

Once you write your goal down, set it aside. You are now in a relationship with your goal. Be a good partner; be kind and considerate. Listen carefully so that you can receive what your goal is saying to you.

My boulder-rolling days are behind me. I now know that I am in charge of 50% and my goal has the other 50%. And I am always interested and eager to hear what my goal wants from me. It’s a relief to have the input and help!

What does your goal want from you?

Amanda Owen Bio

Amanda Owen is an author, speaker, and consultant. Her research during the last twenty years into the nature of receptivity and its link to manifestation led her to develop a system that helps people manifest the lives they want by developing their capacity to receive. She reports her findings in her latest book The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2010) Best-selling author Christiane Northrup, M.D. says, “The Power of Receiving is brilliant, elegant, profound and enormously practical.” Learn more about Amanda Owen and The Power of Receiving at www.ThePowerofReceiving.com

Manifestation, inspiration, motivation, power of receiving goals, power of receiving

Hello Girlfriends –

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
Marcel Proust

The eyes are the gateway to the soul is what we hear, but I have to ask myself are eyes sometimes blind?  Then, do we look with our hearts?   So do the eyes and the heart go hand in hand?

To have new eyes to me means to have a spirit of a child.  Watch a child as he/she discovers new things, new surroundings.  They are in awe; their eyes see things bigger than life.  As adults we have the experiences that have affected our perceptions and so we don’t see things like a child sees them.

Do you look into someone’s eyes when you talk to them?  Notice next time when you’re in conversation; does the person you are talking to look at you in the eyes?  Do you look at them in the eyes?  When you connect with your eyes, it brings you closer to the person you are talking to.  For me, when you are conversing, and you notice that person looking away from you it usually means they are distracted from the conversation.  I feel as if that person is not engaged and I feel as if they really don’t feel what you are saying is of any importance.  Am I on the only one that feels this way?  Please feel free to comment and let me know.

Life is all about communication and there are so many ways to communicate.  Our words, our eyes, our hand gestures (Italians are famous for this one), our facial expressions.  But one of the most powerful form of communication in my humble opinion, is the eyes…….. for the eyes are the gateway to our soul.

I often wonder why people turn away from looking at you when they speak.  Are they hiding something?  Do they have low self esteem?  Are they unsure of what they are saying?  Whatever the reasons, I know it’s very important to look one in the eye when you are speaking to them.  It validates them as a person, they feel as if you truly care and it shows respect for that individual.

So next time we meet – let’s look at each other in the eyes!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

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Hello Girlfriends – The Dalai Lama once said: “Consider that not only your negative thoughts and emotions destroy our experience of peace, it also undermines our health.”

This statement had me thinking, and so I thought of people on a yellow school bus……why a yellow school bus? – Well that’s how my mind works.  I remember the days when I had to take the “yellow fellow” and we had to make so many stops in order to pick up fellow classmates on the way to school, and then so many stops to drop off fellow classmates on the way back home from school.  

Let’s imagine something together – you are the bus driver and behind you there are many seats and they are filled with people that you allow to get you down.  Notice the word I used – “allow“.  Let’s say the seats are filled with downers and energy vampires.  They’re the ones that complain and have something negative to say to you every chance they can.  These are the basement people.  Let’s keep imagining this bus; YOU are the driver and YOU have allowed the negative people on your bus, and at the same time you don’t want them on your bus.  But, what do you do to get them off your yellow bus?  This is the conundrum…..These people need to get off the bus – in fact it’s past time, and they’ve been sitting on your bus way too long taking up too much space.  Your health will be in jeopardy per the statement above from the Dalai Lama. My suggestion is to take these negative people and drop them off accordingly one by one – just like a school bus driver does. 

How do you drop them off you ask?

Get Those Negative People off your BUS

Let’s say you have a friend that is always on your back about something and is stressing you out.  Take them to Alaska and drop them off – it’s done in a visual sense.  Albert Einstein did state, “imagaination is more important than knowledge.”  Once you drop them off, you must not allow them to come back into your bus.  You pick the state where you want to drop them off and you take them there and wish them a happy existence of negativity.  I personally love visuals, and they seem to work very well for me.  You can even get a chuckle out of them.

It’s time to take charge of the people in our lives. The people that are negative can drain you and they weigh heavy.  Of course, I always love to give people chances, and if you have given chances in order for these people to get “positive” and they haven’t – then it’s time!

Time to get these people off your bus once and for all!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

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Hello Girlfriends – Don Miguel Ruiz states in his book The Four Agreements, “Be impeccable with your word, speak with integrity, and say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” 

It is so refreshing when someone tells you they are going to do something and they actually do it.  I’m sure this can surprise you since we as a society are aware that people quite often do not do what they say.  As a human, the word is a most powerful tool.  It’s the tool of magic.  Like a two edged sword, your word can create a most incredible dream, or the word can shatter everything around you. 

On one side, you have the misuse of the word, which creates hell on earth.  The other side is the impeccable word, which creates love, beauty and bliss.  The word can set you free or it can imprison you more than you can imagine.  The incredible magic within you is all based on your word.  The word is pure magic that comes out of your mouth, or it can be black magic if misused.  The impeccable word is possible – it’s possible when practiced daily and you are aware of being impeccable with your word.  No excuses, you too can have the impeccable word.  The word is the closest thing to us – we use our language to express ourselves daily – why not use it in a positive impeccable way?

People may not remember you but they will always remember the way you make them feel.  This is accomplished by your word, your actions, your attitude. 

The Universe will Benefit from your Impeccable Word

Think of a person you know that tells you one thing and then never follows through.  I’m sure you get tired of all their idle chatter and probably you eventually distance yourself.  Now think of the person that tells you something and then follows through with what they say.  They are a delight to be around since you can trust their word.  The impeccable word, do as you say and say what you mean.

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us ALL!

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Well, it’s time to hit the nearest bus stop and ask these negative people politely to exit.  You have no more need for them to stay on your bus if they have given you negative beliefs and thoughts – it’s time to fill up your seats with positive people. 

We really have to think long and hard if negative past experiences are still affecting our daily lives? 

Do we behave the way we do because of what we were taught, or are we coming from a place of love and appreciation for life for who we are now? 

Remember, it’s easy to stay stuck in what we were taught even if this pattern doesn’t work anymore; AWARENESS of our actions, awareness of our words, and awareness of our reactions.  To make a change, we must be AWARE that a change needs to happen.  Again the word – AWARENESS! 

We must first be AWARE and then we must be READY to make the changes….

We all have hurts from our past.  We all have wounds from our past and by changing our core beliefs of things that have hurt us, we can begin changing our lives.  When we choose to remain stuck in our past it causes us to remain stagnant.  “WE” then decide that we want to become victims of our past.  Think about some events of your life and how you have reacted to them?  Did you react like a victim from your past or did you react in a thoughtful way with new ideas and thoughts without being a victim? 

We are who we are due to our past experiences…..

Negative things happen to us all, but what do we do with those negative things?  Do we take those past thoughts and experiences and turn it into a positive or better yet say, “This doesn’t work anymore, and I really don’t like the way this feels anymore.” Would you rather change your old ways?  In the book, The Pocket Pema Chodron affirms, “the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds – never touch our basic wealth.  They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun.” 

Our past may be the clouds that may be blocking who we truly are!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

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“Work spares us from three evils:  boredom, vice and need.”  -  Voltaire

Hello Girlfriends – I was leaving the gym one morning, and an employee of the gym was walking in as I was walking out.  As I normally do with people, I smiled and stated, “so how are you today?”  (It was 10 a.m. and she seemed to be carrying the weight of the world upon her shoulders).  She responded,

“Is it Friday yet?”

Now mind you it was only Wednesday – so she had 3 more days counting Wednesday before it was Friday. 

I pondered her words and thought what if I had to live wishing it was Friday?

I came up with this:  

1. I must be constantly living in the future and missing out on the NOW by wishing it was Friday. 
2. I know myself enough to be certain that I couldn’t live week in and week out wishing it was Friday. 

How many of us can’t get ourselves to live in gratitude and be grateful for the job we have?  Now for the ones that feel fortunate to have a job and really dislike their job – we have choices – why complain or wish it was Friday every day of the week instead of actually doing something about it – this requires ACTION on your part. 

Find your passion or AWAKEN YOUR PASSION and move towards finding a job that promotes your passion.  You would be so much happier and isn’t it our purpose to have peace and happiness in our lives?  Why not choose our life path, instead of having past choices continue to lead us to where we are now?

So I thought, let’s turn “Is it Friday yet” to, “Everyday is Friday!”  I know for myself, just reciting this puts me in such a better place.  It’s called turning a negative to a positive.

So I ask myself, “Why do people wish it was Friday”….. Here are a few reasons:

1. You don’t have job satisfaction
2. You’re totally bored with your job
3. You don’t get challenged in your job
4. You dislike what you do, causing you to hate your job

Now let’s turn this list to a positive…..

1. Look for ways of satisfaction in your job (sometimes you have to look real hard)
2. Find creative ways to get rid of boredom
3. Challenge yourself to find the positive
4. What will it take to like what you do?
5. And if you can’t get to like what you do, search for another job that’s more in line with your passion and what you enjoy.

Dr. Wayne Dyer states, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”  So if you’re one to wish it was Friday, it’s time to turn those words around to everyday is Friday….or, move on and find a job that you can say,

“Everyday is Friday!”

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

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THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU ENTER AN AFFAIR – PART ONE

The TRUST was broken and once TRUST is broken it is very difficult to get back, it caused havoc in our lives, and our families! The hurt, the pain, the deceptions were all part of the affair.  It was a crazy time, but through it all I endured, and stayed focused on what was in front of me. 

The months that lead to the divorce agreement were not easy.  You see I believe in “MARRIAGE”, and I believe in fidelity and loyalty!  I had to let go of the concepts of fidelity and loyalty and focus on ME – going beyond the concepts – I began to inquire about the nature of cheating.  Cheating as it seems is a symptom of a greater problem. 

At first I traveled from the east coast to the west coast – initially to get away from the affair, then to get back with him and see if we could work it out.  Not so easy – too many things had happened.  Finally, I saw and felt that he lost part of his heart with the affair.  I had to call the insanity of living this way to an end!  I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, have a half man – I will NOT SETTLE for a man that I can’t trust, or one that lies or deceives in any way!  Ladies, we have to respect ourselves and none of us should put up with this behavior…..

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”  Maureen Dowd

Bottom line –stay away from married men, there is nothing good that will come out of an affair!  If a married man approaches you and wants to start something, don’t be flattered, instead look at him in the eye and say:

 “You have a wife – go home to your wife and stop wasting my time!”

Be firm, be strong, and don’t be flattered….EVERYONE will be better off for that BOLD answer of yours!

Here is the conundrum, I finally asked him – “Why did you marry, why did you deceive me, and why did you not tell me”?  He stated:  ”the answer to these questions are the same” – he paused – “BECAUSE I LOVED YOU”!

So all in all it’s a lose/lose situation as Corrine Edwards states in her blog entitled, “A Woman Without a Man – He’s Married But.”

The most profound part of this story is that something quite beautiful came from it all – yes the “silver lining” – I was inspired to create MakeGirlfriends.com and pursue my dream of building transitional homes for women.  I said if I can touch one life by creating MakeGirlfriends.com, then I will have done my job, and it’s worth all the hard work that I put into it – well here is the good news: 

Not one life has been touched, but so many people have shared with me that they have been inspired, encouraged and transformed…..I call this turning lemons into lemonade!  Everyone has this capacity, but we must all force ourselves to take charge of our lives, and make lemonade from the bad experiences of our life!!!

I leave you with this most beautiful quote of love - for through it all I still believe in LOVE….I have forgiven and I wish him well on his path…..forgiveness is an act of self love.

Successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

By the way, there is a miracle in joyful living from our own life experiences!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us ALL!

Infidelity, encouragement, love, motivation affair, Infidelity, love

Hello Girlfriends – They say it takes two to tango – so today I’m going to address a topic very near and dear to my heart, and one that I’m ready to tell….it’s a part of my life and my story…..and no it has nothing to do with dancing…..even though I feel that I danced nicely through it all.

My husband having an affair happened to me and my girlfriend in Chicago has encouraged me to publish this article that was written a while back…..so my thanks goes to Corinne and her encouragement…..The truth is, an affair often has less to do with how your husband feels about you or the mistress, and everything to do with how a man feels about himself.

Think twice ladies if a married man approaches you and seeking an extramarital affair or even a one night stand.  Don’t cheapen yourself to someone else’s standards and levels! 

Is cheating really the problem?  Or is it just a symptom?

I am getting so tired of hearing of affairs – it’s in the media far too much these days – Tiger Woods, Sandra Bullock’s husband and even Presidents of States like Berlusconi in Italy and even our own U.S. Presidents!  It’s not only in Hollywood … yes, even my own husband indulged, as so many husbands.
 

Think about it, if you are a single woman, you have everything to lose because you are the one that gets fitted into the puzzle – and if you are the married man – he has everything to lose too.  It just gets too complicated!

Within 2 weeks I knew, and I knew it deep in my soul –but I hoped for the best!  He lied, lied and lied some more –  After 5 months he told me he was having an affair with someone.  He didn’t even have the courage to tell me who.  I figured it out myself and the double jeopardy is that he was having an affair with an acquaintance of mine – a so called “friend”…… 

We should have each other’s blind side!
 

So maybe I should give everyone some clues, since some women don’t find out for years and when I hear that I just don’t understand – I ask myself, “didn’t you SEE the clues”….

So what are some clues that your husband is having an affair?

-          He starts to act aloof

-          You ask a question and you don’t get a straight answer

-          He goes away from you quite a bit – many garage trips or other errands….

-          He wants to move out so he can figure things out

-          You once did everything together and all of a sudden it slowly stops and he wants   

            “ALONE TIME”

-          He takes up activities that bring him out of the house

-          Your intuition or gut feeling tells you that something is not right – TRUST IT

-          You ask if you can go on a business trip with him since you have the time
            and he denies you and makes an excuse of why you shouldn’t go    

-          You feel oppressed and disconnected around him, and can’t figure out why?

-          He gets irritated if you ask too many questions

-          His phone is always on silence and it’s always been on ring mode

Now all the signs may be there, but for some it’s very hard to believe the signs and you don’t want to see that your husband may be having an affair, so you continue to live life in denial and one day you get blown away that is truly happening….remember, they get very good at lying and can manipulate stories and because he’s your husband and you love him, you believe the stories and the lies for the sake of the marriage. 

We believe what we want to but we see only what we believe!

Infidelity Statistics:  50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. Do these infidelity statistics seem a bit startling? What these findings suggest is that approximately half of all married men and women do seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. But what does this really mean and why are the number of men and women having extramarital affairs so high? This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are not about sex. What then, is the main factor that causes infidelity?  This will be for another time….. 

To be continued……….the next part in 2 days

Infidelity, inspiration, love, motivation affair, Infidelity, love