MAY I HAVE YOUR EAR?
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”—
Ralph Nichols
Have you ever been in a situation that you needed an “ear” from a friend – someone that could be there and allow you to talk, cry or just vent?
BUT INSTEAD….
You get someone that gives you advice, tells you what you should do and isn’t giving you what you need…..
So I dedicate this post to all of you that have given your ear and time to listen. KUDOS and GOOD JOB!
So many times in life we want a good friend that can sit by us and truly listen – the word here is:
L I S T E N
No voice, no advice only to listen. The listener allows you to vent, to cry, and to express your feelings.
This is a true joy to have a friend that allows this gift. Yes, it truly is a gift.
We all can be better listeners.
We have agendas; we don’t want people to hurt. We want to offer advice and solve problems.
B U T
Not always do we need someone to solve our problems. Not always do we need advice.
S O ME T I M E S
We want someone to JUST LISTEN.
So next time you’re in a situation where a friend comes to you and wants to “TALK” it might be a good thing to ask –
“Did you want me to just listen?”
O R
“Do you want my opinion and advice?”
This shows compassion, love and respect for the individual.
Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!
Hi Nancy,
A good listen is worth ther weight in gold. This reminds me of my adult children. Sometimes they will call and just want me to listen. This can be a little hard sometimes when it is your kids. As mother we like to solve there problems. I am learning though just to listen. Hurt my tongue a few times from bitting it, but improving the listening to them.
Thanks Nancy for the reminder.
blessing to you
Debbie
Debbie recently posted..24 Tips for Having a Strong, Happy and Health Relationship
Hello Debbie,
Wise words my friend. It is especially hard when it’s our kids because we want to offer advice so they don’t hurt or go through any pains in life. I too have learned to listen to my adult children.
I was telling my aunt the other day on the phone that we all should carry a roll of “duck tape” so we can tape our mouths at times….like biting our tongues.
In love and light,
Nancy
Yes, and maybe sometimes we don’t know ourselves that we don’t want advice, but just a compassionate ear. We think we need solutions to problems all the time, but sometimes we don’t. That is not what we need at all! Sometimes we just need compassion.
Hello Nicole –
You GOT it my friend!
Compassion and a loving heart is all that is needed at times,
In love, light and bliss,
Nancy
I Love to Listen….then I can understand
Thankyou Nancy
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted..The Peter Pan Effect
Thank you David for the read – it’s quite true that if we truly listen then we truly can understand.
Here’s to listening,
Nancy
I went through 60 hours of training to be a Stephen Minister. Most of that training was about listening! Listening better has made me a better parent, a better friend, a better teacher, and a happier person. Great advice!
Galen Pearl recently posted..Seasonal Yin Yang
Hello Galen,
WOW – 60 hours of training and most of it was on LISTENING….that’s tremendous!
Listening does make us all around better people.
Here’s to listening,
Nancy
Fabulous post, Nancy. You have been a great listener for me. I only hope I have been a true listener for you!
I have become a better listener, and have also learned to allow situations to unfold. I like your duct tape idea. I visualize myself breathing deeply and discerning when and if my words are desired.
It is a gift to be listened to!
Blessings,
Hello My Girlfriend Marci,
Any YOU have been a great listener for me. We are truly mirrors for each other.
Glad someone thinks my duct tape idea is a good one…..too funny!
The breathe always takes us back to simplicity…..
To the gifts of life,
Nancy
So very very true!
But sometimes there is the need to vent it all out, to have someone listen, but there is the fear of that person truly listeneing, really hearing and understanding all those words you say. And that is terrifying!
Have just come across this blog, what a lovely idea!
Jasmin recently posted..Away From The Darkness We Fly
Hello Jasmin,
Good to have you join us here!
I understand what you are saying and I hope you have someone that you can totally trust and go to them and have them understand how important it is for them to listen to you vent. I mean truly listen. No fear, no need to be terrified – just be in total truth to yourself and have this person “know” the importance of them to listen to what you are about to state.
Hope to see you here again,
In love and light,
Nancy
Hi, it is nice to be a good a listener than a good speaker.
Nice article and thanks for sharing it.
Prakash recently posted..Bouncer : Google’s Solution For Malwares
Hello Prakash,
Yes it truly is nice to have both….thanks for stopping by!
In gratitude,
Nancy
I could’ve sworn I left a comment on this page earlier. I can’t find mine, so I must not have done. You’re right that listening is a gift. It’s one of the hardest gifts to give to the people you care about because you always want to automatically react by giving your own opinion. I used to have to try hard to listen. I think it’s a skill I’ve had to develop because I’m so much better at it nowadays.
Anne recently posted..Boost Body Confidence: 4 Easy Ways To Do It
Hello Anne and thanks for stopping in again,
So true what you say about reacting and giving your own opinion. I agree that it is a skill to learn how to truly listen and sometimes we have to stop and be conscientious of truly listening to someone.
In love and light,
Nancy
This is so strange Nancy! I left a comment last week…LOL The cyber world does funny things sometimes! I was saying how much you bring such an important and meaningful component about conversation. Often we assume that our friend who is sharing with us will automatically want our opinion about what they are sharing. The simple act of “asking” if they are open to suggestions or prefer to only vent to us can make such a difference in our relationships! I love this idea and I will definitely ask next time a friend or a family member comes to me about something.
Nathalie Villeneuve recently posted..3 Leadership Lessons I Learned from An Olympic Gold Medalist
I find that messages get caught in the “cyber bar” at times and don’t want to be seen. LOL
I appreciate your honesty and comments my balcony friend Nathalie! Let me know how it works for you when you ask.
In love and light,
Nancy
Hi Nancy,
I’ve been guilty of this. Especially with my wife.
The problem I have like most men is wanting to solve the problem over listening to it. We typically solve problems at work and expect that’s what others want as well.
Often at a friend level, they just want to be heard and validated that their concerns are okay.
Great read.
Bryce
Bryce Christiansen recently posted..The Death of Personal Branding
Hi Bryce and good to see you here –
Thank you for your honesty and yes I’m sure when you live with a person the tendency to not listen and try to solve problems is greater than when you don’t live with them. You make a good point about work life versus personal life and our listening skills involved are so different at work compared to home.
Validation is a key word – sometimes that’s all we want is to feel that we are validated. It comes in a nod of the head and even eye contact.
Glad you enjoyed the post,
In gratitude,
Nancy
Hi Nancy,
Each situation is different. As you rightly point out, sometimes people just want a listening ear. At other times, they might want advice. As a guy, it can be hard to differentiate between these two instances since once the problem is solved, there would be no more problem.
That said, I like how you suggest that we ask whether a person wants a listening ear or advice at the start of a conversation. By being clear about what the other person needs and wants, we are in a better position to give it to them. No one is a mind-reader and expecting others to be, even loved ones is merely setting yourself up for disappointment. Better to be upfront about what we need and want. Then there will be no frustration or misunderstanding.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
The Vizier recently posted..How to Lift Your Mood Quickly
Hello Irving the Vizier,
You are correct in saying each situation is different. Clarity is power is what Anthony Robbins states. Being clear and living in your truth is key.
I like the way you think!!
Thank you for being here and reading this post,
In gratitude,
Nancy
Couldn’t agree more!
Listening is a skill, an art, and a dying one at that!
And this goddess has to admit that, until recently when my daughter bluntly pointed it out to me (you can imagine what THAT felt like!!), I’ve only “listened” until I found a pause in which to interject some profound bit of advice or wisdom or whatever.
The real point was … I wasn’t LISTENING.
It’s not listening when you’re sifting through your own experience in your head, comparing it to the speakers, and rehearsing what you’re going to say as soon as they take a breath.
My daughter just needed me to listen.
Really, REALLY listen.
And love her, no matter what.
When I thought of how many times I’d wished I had someone who would do the same, I realized that I needed to BECOME that someone.
Since I began to BE that person,
every nuance of my life has shifted.
Friends are closer,
family closer still,
and clients having unprecedented breakthroughs.
A gem of a post, girlfriend.
I hope every reader takes it to heart.
Bliss-ings,
the goddess known as Jacqui
Jacqueline Gates recently posted..The Firstest Step To Changing Your Life Is ….
Hello My sweet friend Goddess known as Jacqui,
I so appreciate your own life experiences for every one has a story and yours is one of learning and experience. I so love when our own children teaches us the biggest lessons.
Thank you for sharing your story and being an encouragement,
Bliss-ings back to you,
Nancy