Photography by David Lawn

The Parable of the Raft is probably one of the most famous parables taught by the Buddha. He compared his own teachings to a raft that could be used to cross the river, but should be discarded when one made it safely to the other shore. 

A man is trapped on one side of a fast-flowing river. Where he stands, there is great danger and uncertainty – but on the far side of the river, there is safety. But there is no bridge or ferry for crossing. So the man gathers logs, leaves, twigs, and vines and is able to fashion a raft, sturdy enough to carry him to the other shore. By lying on the raft and using his arms to paddle, he crosses the river to safety. 

The Buddha then asks the listeners a question: “What would you think if the man, having crossed over the river, then said to himself, ‘Oh, this raft has served me so well, I should strap it on to my back and carry it over land now?’” The Monk replied that it would not be very sensible to cling to the raft in such a way. 

The Buddha continues: “What if he lay the raft down gratefully, thinking that this raft has served him well, but is no longer of use and can thus be laid down upon the shore?”

The monks replied that this would be the proper attitude.

The Buddha concluded by saying, “So it is with my teachings, which are like a raft, and are for crossing over with — not for seizing hold of.”  

So at that I crossover to another part of my life – no need to cling to the things you love but to let them free in order for them to take on a new life for themselves.  

I have followed different personal development blogs over the years and have grown and learned from so many of them. It’s all been said, in one blog or another. The advice offered is splendid but how many of us truly want to create change? How many truly want to get out of their comfort zones? Each one offers different perspectives, different solutions to issues, different ways on how to “get happy.”

So now I will include my list of perspectives on life and what I’ve learned through my amazing journey with MakeGirlfriends.

My list of transformation and growth

1. Live Simply – if that means put everything in storage and move every 4-6 months – go for it – it’s not all about the destination but the journey that makes us who we are. Ghandi stated, “Live simply so others can simply live.”

2. Live in the Present Moment - for this is truly what we have is the “moment”. We may have illusions of time but it’s all about the moment, I have a very good friend that would remind me, where are your shoes right now – I would say right here – that is where the moment lies.

3. No Judgment – stop judging others and it will be easier to stop judging yourself.

4. Forgive and Let Go - forgiveness is an act of self love and to truly forgive allows us to let go.

5. No Obligations – meaning do things out of LOVE and not GUILT.

6. LOVE – really and truly LOVE – for LOVE is the basis of everything beautiful and we are LOVE at our core! See through a child’s eyes. Be thrilled and excited about life. Find miracles everywhere. We are all capable of grand LOVE. Open your heart to LOVE!

7. NO FEAR – There are 2 human emotions FEAR or LOVE – you choose! When you operate from fear there is no love and when you operate from love there is no fear.

8. You are the Author of your life – Live out your life as if you are writing your life story.

9. Too much FUN is never enough! – no need to explain this one so give yourself permission to have FUN.

10. Stop and smell the flowers always – not when there is time but always; make yourself STOP!

11. Be TRUE to yourself – live in that authentic truth to yourself and you will never have to remember the lies to keep a story straight.

12. Live by the Four Agreements – 1) Impeccable Word, 2) Don’t take anything personally, 3) Never make assumptions, 4) Always do your best.

13. Live, Laugh and Dance as if today was your last day on earth.

14. Buy the SHOES!

15. Courage – never be afraid to tell the truth for it takes courage to speak in the truth and can change a life.

Brené Brown, Ph.D. writes, “Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.”

16. Take care of your body – You only have one body and it’s your temple; look good and feel good for yourself first. Exercise and eating healthy is key.

17. I AM Statements – the power of the word from the beginning of time. I AM THAT I AM!

18. Gratitude – live in an attitude of gratitude – the more we are grateful for the more will come into our lives that we can be grateful of. Know that I am grateful for all of you that have followed me and have taken the time to comment on my blog posts.

19. Being Happy is a CHOICE – you choose!

20. Peace, Harmony, Happiness and LOVE to each one of you – living in love and light.

In case anyone is asking why are you letting MakeGirlfriends.com go? I have been thinking of letting go for a many months now and here are some of the reasons:

1. When I realized that habit was taking over my passion for writing posts that’s a true sign to observe and do something different. Habit makes you continue to do things over and over and expecting different results – wait, isn’t that the definition of Insanity?

2. I spent so much time, energy and money on this website and I started to cling to that fact instead and I continued to post blogs due to that fact.

3. Letting Go = Failure (EGO talking) – In reality – LETTING GO = FREEDOM

4. Trusting that when you say “no” to what doesn’t serve you, life says “yes” to your greatness.

I read recently a quote from Abraham: There are no choices that are really a detour that will take you far from where you’re wanting to be because your Inner Being is always guiding you to the next, and the next, and the next. So don’t be concerned that you may make a fatal choice because there aren’t any of those. You are always finding your balance. It’s a never ending process.

I have made incredible relationships through the blogging community, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Corinne Edwards, Kelly Rudolph, Maureen Simon and Nicole Rushin. I have not met Galen Pearl, Alex Blackwell, David Stephens, Martin and Pam Clooney, Irving from Hans of Harmony and Debbie Bills. All of these people work very hard on their blogs and I celebrate their work.

So now I take all the time I’ve spent on blogging and writing for my blog and will dedicate that time to writing my book that has been in progress for about 2 years now. I am in the creative collaboration stage so I am a little reluctant to give you the title. I ask that you stay in touch for I would love to hear about your lives. I will continue to follow your blog posts but won’t feel the pressure of having to respond, picking and choosing what I would like to read. Living in line with my truth. I will now have more time with face to face and eye to eye interaction with people I meet.

So now I introduce you to the first person that came to my “heart” Nathalie Villeneuve. She started the group on facebook named “The Women of Facebook” and she will continue this beautiful space of love and passion with MakeGirlfriends.com. Nathalie will not be changing the name of the site.

I will have the pleasure of introducing Nathalie next week to you all. My final day will be August 1, 2012.

I introduce you to Nathalie Villeneuve

Peace, Harmony, Happiness, Love to all of you and……as always, I sign off by saying:

Accountability, Appreciation, Celebration, Change, Closure, Comfort Zone, encouragement, Friends, gratitude, Happiness, inspiration, JOY, Living in the moment, love, motivation, new beginnings, passion, Power of words, Spirit of a woman, The Five Agreements, Think Big, Truth acceptance, appreciation, awakening, change, encouargement, friendships, Girlfriends, gratitude, Happiness, illumination, impeccable word, insight, inspiration, joy, love, motivation, positive thinking, revelation, Self love, Truth

by Erin Williams LMSW, BCD, CHt,

I’ve been familiar with the concept of “loops of learning” on my journey for a while now, and damn it if it isn’t more apparent now than ever.  So here is how it works….You learn a lesson in life, maybe through a relationship or recurring situation, and you heal part of it.  Then a few months or years later, a similar situation occurs, so and you are faced with another OPPORTUNITY to heal a deeper part of that issue.  It can feel like riding on a roller coaster that you had no intention of going on.  You thought you were in line for the tunnel of love, and instead found yourself in a full harness on Mega Mountain.

            When you become aware of the “loops of learning” in your life, you will be able to see them all over the place.  For example, you may have felt betrayed by a girl friend in high school, so now when you meet new girl friends there is some level of distrust.  The concept of “loops of learning”, might have you meeting new girl friends every year or so, where you have the opportunity to work through your distrust.  You might feel it in the beginning like an automatic reaction to the new friendship, but the learning process would allow you to eventually discern who was trustworthy, and who may not be a suitable friend for you.  In this way, you are healing the automatic reaction of distrust, and allowing yourself to now create deep connections with women in a way you weren’t able to do before. 

            Recently, I have had many clients coming in and talking about BIG issues resurfacing.  I hear a lot of “I THOUGHT I HAD HEALED THIS!!!  WHY IS IT COMING UP AGAIN!”  Well, for those of us that are paying attention and aware of the energy shifting lately, we can feel that it is INTENSE, to say the least.  What is happening is that we are being given big, big, and BIGGER opportunities to heal all those skeletons in our closets, so that we will be able to welcome the new, profound, and truly beautiful energy that awaits us.  You see, the deeper you go with your healing, the more capacity you have to experience this profound loving energy…..the more you heal, the more bliss you are able to experience NOW!

            Do not allow yourself to be frustrated by this process.  Let it wash over your body like a warm wave of water, and just float on top of it effortlessly.  Go ahead and tell yourself it’s safe to feel all of your emotions, then feel them and watch as they dissolve into greater levels of happiness and contentment.  Most of the time, we try so hard to distract ourselves from feeling the emotions or doing our own healing work, so it comes up again and again.  So now, once and for all, decide to feel it, and release it.  Trust that fear has no power over you, and that you are in fact SAFE always.  Try the mantra, “I now choose to release all that is not truly me.”  Since we are LOVE at our core, this will help to release all of the ego, fear-based dilutions that are weighing your vibration down. 

Blessing to you!  Good things are coming!

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

http://healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams awakening, change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking, Self love, women friendship

by Patricia Gozlan

Where we are and what we do are constantly pressured by modern society – everything needs to be done fast, we want it all, and we want it now! How is it possible to have it all while maintaining a healthy work life balance?

There are some important things that cannot be done in 5 minutes or less, for all savvy business owners:

1. Getting married to Mr. or Mrs. Right
2. Pregnancy
3. Seeing your children grow
4. Admiring a sunset
5. Savoring a good glass of wine or a delicious homemade dish
6. Attracting the right persons in your life or business
7. Learn an art or skill and accomplishing them
8. Recovering from an accident, open wound or injury…

The list goes on, and I’m sure you can think of even more!

So how can we manage all our daunting little ‘chores’ thinking we must go fast, be productive, and also learn from, without taking the growth of our own selves as spiritual beings into account?

This is like wanting to have the dish your mother or grandmother knew how to do, where they left the food to cook for hours, using the most exclusive ingredients and pouring their love and energy into making it so delicious… but you are expecting to find this very dish in a fast food restaurant instead.

What is the right compromise when it comes to ‘fast and good’ or ‘fast and indigestible’?

If you had a choice between a plastic ring and a diamond ring, which would you choose?

Well, for all matters in life, all these apply:

1. Divide the big tasks into mini or small tasks. With smaller expectations, bigger satisfactions come when you finish them.
2. Find a balance between ‘fast and well done’ and ‘slowly as where time does not exist’.
3. Decide how many hours you choose to set your microwave, and always remember to calculate the risks, especially when going too fast.
4. Savour each moment, each day with your family and loved ones, hobbies, friends, nature, and good food as though they were your very last.

 Here are some quotes for you to ponder on and help you achieve that balance:

• With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown. – Chinese Proverb
• Our patience will achieve more than our force. – Edmund Burke
• Infinite patience creates instant results. – Anonymous

What are the tasks and actions you can choose to go slower with, and what are the ones you can do faster?

Slow Living is about connecting with a group of people outside from the internet community and savor the moment by expanding the concept of time.

Work life balance strategy:

It is important for your work life balance and to enhance the quality of your life to take a break and get out of the city where air, noise, and light are natural and where time does not exist or to take long breaks in the middle of nature far from cell phones, computers, cars and stress breathing fresh air, sleeping well and eating organic natural foods.

Does having a microwave-mindset make you feel more prosperity, inside and out? How can  you as a savvy business owner achieve lifework balance in terms of quality and time?

 For more information about adding quality time in your life, please download my free report in the free start here (http://www.patriciagozlan.com/free-products/) and let me know your unique strategy on how you decide now to create more quality time for you.

Patricia Gozlan change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, Manifestation, motivation, positive thinking, work balance

 If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. 

We’ve all have heard this statement, have said this statement or even thought this statement.

That’s Just the Way I AM

Is it possible that this statement keeps us stuck in our Comfort Zones.  We don’t have to change or think about how we can be better and improve ourselves because……well, you know the statement.  THAT’S JUST THE WAY I AM!

It’s easier to make excuses to stay the way we are instead of changing the bad habits or changing parts of ourselves that we may want to improve.  From our tempers, the way we interact with people, the extra weight we carry, the way circumstances are evolving in our lives that keep us stuck in unhealthy relationships.

CHANGE

To change means to first acknowledge what you wish to change.  Once we acknowledge that we have something to change then we evaluate how much work you wish to contribute to the change to make it happen. 

WE MUST NAME IT TO CLAIM IT

Once we acknowledge that we have something to change then we evaluate how much work we wish to contribute to the change. 

AWARENESS IS ALL

Know there is an issue, have the courage to do something about it and then have the awareness to be sensitive as the issue pops up in your life.

CHANGE = ACTION

HOW BAD DO WE WANT TO CHANGE?

I believe we are designed in such a way that when we are at the end of our rope and we get tired of living day in and day out in the ways that doesn’t please us, then we make the necessary movements toward change.  The key is getting to the bottom, the proverbial end of the rope.

At times we may feel to acknowledge change means that we are less than perfect.  Well, guess what – we are all less than perfect and in this place we call life we are all sailing in the same boat.  The winds may catch our mast and we smoothly sail through the waters and then at times the winds are against us and there may be a bumpy ride ahead of us.  The key is how do we react to the rough seas?  Do we make adjustments to our sails and work with the wind or do we fight the wind and go off course?

This is how I see change – it may be bumpy to change but I can tell you that rough seas are temporary and they teach us to be better sailors.  I can tell you that it isn’t always easy to change but the outcome of the change can give you the freedom of living a life full of JOY!

There is a light at the end of each tunnel that you go through to make the necessary changes so we can be better people.

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

Change, Comfort Zone, encouragement, inspiration, motivation awakening, Awareness, change, encouargement, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~ G.K. Chesterton

The word grateful in the dictionary states:  “warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful.

We hear the word grateful and living in gratitude these days and I ask how do you live in gratitude?

To truly live in gratitude takes the heart and mind to be in that place of gratitude.  A place where you can truly say, “I AM GRATEFUL.”

We take so much for granted in life.  We have so many commodities in our everyday living.  Food, drink, shelter, clothing, the air that we breathe, the beauty around us.  Keeping our eyes open to see the beauty, to appreciate life and all its wonders, this is living in gratitude.  The wonderment of life and all it has to offer.

We sometimes get so wrapped up in our busy lives with all the things that are on our “TO DO” lists that it’s so easy to lose sight that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.  When this happens we forget gratitude.

So how do we reset our brains to connect with our hearts and live in a space of gratitude?

Some Simple Steps to Follow

1.       Take a moment to breathe

2.       Start living in the moment by appreciating the glories of the present moment in our ordinary

3.       If you have to start wearing a rubber band around your wrist to stop yourself in your tracks

4.       Don’t take life for granted. 

Start a “gratitude” journal - if you are one of those that can’t find anything to be grateful for, then start small:  for getting up  in the morning in a bed, for the sunshine, for the rain, for a place to live, for food on your table.

I truly believe that the more gratitude we have the more things will come in our lives that we can be grateful for which leads to total joy for life.

Living in an “attitude of gratitude” changes our perspective in life.  It’s the shift in our thinking.  Dr. Wayne Dyer states so boldly; “when we change our feelings we change our destiny.”

Start with the little things to be grateful for and the bigger things will come…..your life will change!

Appreciation, encouragement, gratitude, Happiness, Insight, inspiration, Manifestation, motivation appreciation, change, encouargement, gratitude, inspiration, joy, motivation, positive thinking

by Patricia Gozlan

“True prosperity is the result of well-placed confidence in ourselves and our fellow man.” Benjamin Burt

A friend once told me that he was working with a group of youths in Romania for a short period of his life. He went there on a short budget, minimizing on spending. His Romanian employer noticed that he was missing food from his home – so he offered him a can of tuna to cheer him up.

My friend kept the packaging of the tuna can, because what was printed on the can was ‘CRAP’ (I think this was the brand name).

He still kept the can because it reminded him of something. When his employer handed him that can of tuna, and having already bored his appetite with Romanian food – seeing a can that was labeled ‘CRAP’ did not help.

“Why would I want to eat a can of ‘CRAP’?” was the first thing that came into his mind.

But the Romanian employer insisted it was actually really good tuna – and turns out, it was!

How often is it that we consciously (or unconsciously) use our fears and excuses to stop us from taking action?

Fear is an emotion, and emotions are a function of what we see (the focus on things that we have, good or bad), what we say to ourselves, and the result of our inner dialogue.  All this, coupled with our physiology (what we eat, drink, and how we relax) produces emotion.

Just like the can of ‘CRAP’, my friend had the first emotional assumption that the can of tuna is rubbish.  If he had completely given in to the cover, he would not have discovered good tuna!

The same goes when you keep hearing yourself repeat these sentences:

-                      I fear to live and have a loving relationship. I say this, because I believe all the good ones are already taken.

-                      I don’t think anyone can be successful. It’s because I believe the economy is so bad, what are the chances I will succeed anyway?

-                      I fear succeeding because I don’t want to be alone or appear different from others.  I believe will start coming to me for my money and not me.  Even then, I believe I’m not able to manage such huge amounts of money.

And you wonder why you work hard yet unconsciously let your fears control and decide what will happen to you!

Our brain tends to filter events and distort them, creating a prejudice of what seems to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  This of course, isn’t necessary – we only know it, only if we taste it!

We can find joy and prosperity even when deluded, disappointed or angry even, because it is here we have the opportunity to learn to expand our capacity for the so-called ‘negative’ feelings.

This transformation one of the 7 Key Steps Every Businesswoman Should Know for Prosperity and Joy, (download it here or learn it directly from me) and watch things happen the way you want it! Say, for example:

-                      I deserve to have a personal, intimate and passionate relationship.

-                      I deserve to be successful.  I work hard and I deserve it.

-                      I will never be alone.  My true friends, and family will always be there for me, no matter what happens.

The exercises   in the 7 steps exercises in my FREE report will help you transform any block, fear or unconscious limiting belief in prosperity and joy.

Can you change your mind to allow the prosperity and joy you actually deserve?

What would be your first move?

Patricia Gozlan Abundance, change, encouargement, inspiration, joy, Prosperity

Love is too rare and special to make up artificial rules that ignore the magical illogic of the human heart. Mark David Gerson

What happens when love is not enough to sustain a relationship?

This past week I have been immersed with people coming into my life that are in relationships that probably should have ended a long time ago. They love that person and yet it’s not quite enough to stay. As these stories unravel, I reflect on my own life.

My girlfriend in California – Giovanna- gave me these words of wisdom:

We are all on the same journey. We take different avenues, making stops, perhaps staying in a neighborhood or relationship too long. Eventually we all get there. Women (the feminine essence of spirit) are very good in seeing the potential in men and believing love will be enough to “fix” their partner. What often time happens in the relationship, when the fix does not happen fast enough or at all over time, the masculine energy in us starts coming out through nagging, blaming, expecting or a plethora of other things that operate from the negative. This pushes the man and the relationship away. We as women must remain in our power of the feminine through speaking from the heart and from our own truth.

Love Simply Is….We cannot “fix”

Simply No Expectations….

By living in our truth we learn to communicate in positive ways. Stating what is on our minds in a gentle, loving way. Nagging, blaming are catabolic reactions. We can learn to communicate by simply stating…….WHAT IS….

Why then at times is love not enough?

Potential: Because often we meet someone who is on a different level then we are and we see something in that person – we see their spirit, their potential. They may not be ready for what we have to make the change to operate from a higher vibration. Remember, we are mirrors and reflections of each other so we attract into our world what we see with our eyes that we need in order to learn and grow.

Timing: It may not be the “right” time yet, perfect nonetheless, for in every relationship there is a lesson to be learned for that time in our lives.

This is the part where we hold love “loosely.” We end up hanging on too long because we don’t want to hurt, disappoint, be alone, lose the house, the stuff in it and the memories of what was.

Life is to be experienced not haphazardly but in full joy and bliss! We all have the potential for bliss, and truly how many of us allow ourselves to go to a place of bliss and dance from our inner spirit. To live in the possibilities of life and all it’s adventures that it has to offer. To live from our imaginations. Like Albert Einstein once so eloquently stated, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”

I read this recently:

“Are we being driven by love or by a lie of obligations?”

This takes me to the next part of this article:

To love is to know when to let go and set it free so that person can grow according to HIS purpose and design. This takes courage.

The more open–hearted and vulnerable I am to love that enters my world and I remain as if I was an open vessel, it will and can transform me.

Love is a transformational force of nature.

The love that led to my marriage became the pain of its dissolution. The joy experienced by being with my grown children is also the heartache of our parting. We must taste the salt of our tears to know the sweetness of life. For life is forever sweet!

Love brings about intense joy as well as intense pain. This is the conundrum of this FOUR letter word that carries so much weight. If we can only remind ourselves that in this time of pain and letting go we open our hearts even more….more….and some more. The flip side of not opening up our hearts is closing our hearts and the cause of a closed heart is resentment, bitterness and more pain – and eventually shutting your heart to love even more.

I choose to be the open vessel when love comes calling. I welcome it with a gentle smile, gleaming eyes and know that through every relationship we are only learning to love even more.

LOVE SIMPLY IS…..TO BE LIVED PASSIONATELY AND ON FIRE FOR ALL HUMANKIND WHILE STAYING IN OUR TRUTH

LOVE IS THE ENERGY THAT FUELS EVERYTHING AND CHANGES EVERYTHING FOR WE ALL ARE LOVE

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

encouragement, Happiness, Insight, inspiration, love change, encouargement, Happiness, insight, inspiration, love, motivation, positive thinking

Meet Alex Blackwell my guest here at MakeGirlfriends.com -  I am honored that Alex has asked me to share a chapter of his new book entitled, “Saying YES to Change: 10 Timeless Life Lessons for Creating Positive Change.  His website is www.thebridgemaker.com.  Alex writes from his heart.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.  — Helen Keller 

Getting to know your inner voice of wisdom will lead to a positive outlook on life that will allow you to see your own beauty – not just physical beauty, although this is certainly part of it, but the beauty and value of your existence as a human being. This might be the most important step on the path to positive change – for without the ability to see your own beauty, you won’t be able to see and live in the beauty of life itself.

You are beautiful.

On the days when you struggle with self-confidence or don’t see what the rest of us see, please know this: You really are beautiful.

When God created you, He made you beautiful. Before you were conceived, there was a plan designed just for you. Part of that plan was not only where you would be born or what circumstances you would face in life, but also what you would look like – the shape of your body, the size of your ears and the color of your skin. And all of these things contribute to your unique beauty.

Accepting Yourself

My self-image has been poor for most of my life. When I was a boy, I disliked my curly hair. I wished it was straight like the other boys’. I was also painfully aware of my speech impediment. My “Rs” were a source of shame. Words like “bird,” and “first” came out like “burd,” and “furst.”

I would think about each word before speaking, which caused me to stutter, further exacerbating my insecurities. Simply put, I was not comfortable with how God made me. I thought I was damaged and that I did something wrong to deserve these things. I wished God had made me better. I wished God had made me more beautiful.

My sense of self was fragile at best. I felt isolated, abandoned and hopeless. My anger gradually turned inward and, as a result, depression has draped over me like an oversized coat for most of my life. If you feel the same, know this: Freedom comes when we find the strength to remove the heavy coat and allow the world to see the beautiful colors underneath.

As a young adult I thought the key to removing the coat was to stay focused no matter the cost. My intent was to find personal beauty as defined by me. I cut my hair short, consumed myself with my career, and made certain everything was in its place at all times.

Turning away from the natural beauty has had its consequences. It has kept me from loving myself, and it has kept me from loving others with a free and open heart. This impediment has made me struggle to see their natural beauty, too.

I don’t want this coat to serve as a barrier any longer, hiding my beautiful colors from others and from myself. It’s clearer now how I can begin to remove it.

Beauty Doesn’t Equal Perfection

God picks the color of our eyes, and He decides on our parents, too. He makes all of these selections for a reason. When we look at our physical features and life experiences it can be difficult to always find the value in what He selected for us. For most of my life, I have been angry at God for what He has given me.

As a child, not only did I have to tolerate the embarrassment of how I talked, but layered on top of that was the pain of living with an alcoholic parent. My mother ignored her beauty and could never acknowledge it. She covered it with bourbon and rum.

From an early age I associated feeling beautiful with feeling perfect. If I made sure I did everything right, I would be more beautiful. And if I enhanced my beauty enough, then I might just be able to change my mother.

My mother never changed. But I am changing.

I am beginning to understand that she did things for her benefit, not mine. It’s time to stop allowing this to define my sense of beauty anymore. It’s time to continue finding the beautiful me. It’s time to watch her spirit leave my soul and allow God to occupy more of it.

My Vibrant Colors

My mother died in 2008. Her ashes are in an ordinary container somewhere in my father’s house. A few weeks after she died her clothes and personal items were packed in boxes and either given to charity or thrown away. It’s as though her memory has been wiped away – except for somewhere in my soul. She still lives there.

The cold weather in Kansas gives us no choice but to wrap up tight before heading outside. What we wear on the outside is sometimes a matter of necessity, but how we feel on the inside makes all the difference in how we view ourselves and others around us. Underneath the experiences we had as children, and the coats we wear to protect us from a seemingly cold and harsh world, is our natural beauty – a beauty carefully planned for each of us.

With the grip of my mother slowly fading, I have finally found the strength to remove the coat that has kept others from seeing my natural beauty. Anger is being replaced with hope, and I am beginning to see the vibrant colors God placed in me. I’m finding the courage to show my colors to the whole world. This is something I have neglected for most of my life, but will no longer.

Finding the beautiful you is not about finding perfection with how you look, but in accepting you are who you are for a reason. Perfection is not required, only joy in celebrating your special brand of compassion, talent and beauty.

You really are beautiful. And I am beautiful, too.

Take In the Beauty

On the days when you’re not feeling particularly beautiful and are struggling with poor self-esteem, these five habits might provide some relief and guidance:

1. Celebrate your flaws

My wide nose gives me a distinct look. My nose is part of what makes me uniquely Alex. Pick one attribute you don’t like and turn it in to something positive. Celebrate it and understand that what you may consider a flaw is really a gift that has been given to you for a reason.

2. Watch negative self-talk

Be kind and positive to yourself. Change the can’ts  to I haven’t yet learned how to. Pay more attention to what you are doing right, and the beauty you create, and less to what you don’t have, or think you should have.

3. Lift your head

You are not a mistake. What has happened to you has not been a mistake. Lift your head and understand, and really feel, that you are here for a special purpose.

4. Do one thing to feel beautiful everyday

For me, it’s my commitment to working out and staying in shape. I enjoy seeing myself as lean, vibrant, and to be honest, desirable.

5. Notice the beauty around you

When we take the time to see what’s beautiful in our lives we are in a better position to internalize that beauty and make it a part of us. Notice the beautiful color of the changing leaves or the expression on your children’s faces when they learn something new. God puts beautiful things in plain view every day; we just have to remember to open our eyes and take them in.

You can find Saying Yes to Change: 10 Timeless Life Lessons for Creating Positive Change on Amazon.

Alex Backwell Book Review, change, encouargement, inspiration, motivation, Self love

How many of us cling to things?

STUFF?   IDEAS?   MEMORIES?

This post is in conclusion to reading Gretchen Rubin’s book entitled, The Happiness Project, where she states, “as part of my happiness project I wanted to stop hoarding, to trust in abundance, so that I could use things up, give things away, throw things out.”

This chapter touched me because it was talking about what I was in my past.  I use to be a pack rat – keeping, hoarding, collecting.  A wonderful thing that came out of my divorce is that I let things go, when I buy something now it’s because I need it.  I remember I was living in California after I decided to remove myself from the situation that was happening in my marriage and my husband at the time had called me, I had lost 23 pounds during the ordeal (part of my letting go) and I remember telling him to get rid of everything in my closet.  That was the most liberating thing I did for myself besides getting the divorce.  It’s easier to have someone else there to get rid of things for you or have a friend help you out in your getting rid process.

Gretchen wrote in her book the time she took a bottle of ”My Sin” perfume from her grandmother’s bureau.  She remembers it sitting on her bureau forever in its original box.  When she opened it the bottle was full to the top.  She wondered, “what was she saving it for?”  She now keeps this bottle in her office to remind her to not keep but use.

For myself, I now use everything I own, the pretty stationery that was given to me and was too pretty to use.  I wear the clothes I buy.  How many of us have fine china? Do you use it?  What I did was start using my fine china years ago.  Why not make one meal a week a “fine china” meal.  Serve hot dogs on your fine china – why not?  This reminds me of the movie “Sideways” when at the end of the movie Paul Giamatti had saved his finest bottle of wine and the movie ends with him drinking his expensive bottle of wine that he had been keeping for so long with a McDonalds meal at a McDonalds.  How appropriate…… 

Everything I own has been in storage for over 2 years and I don’t miss anything – not a day has gone by that I say,  I miss…. These things did not create or make me happy.  I travel with the clothes that I own, my office, and a few kitchen gadgets.  I rent places that are fully furnished and my life has been simple and an adventure thus far.   I’m not saying sell everything you own but I do want you to think about the things you cling to?

We cling to things, we cling to people, we cling to ideas, we cling to memories.

The word is cling and it’s definition signifies; to hold onto – to hoard.

Does clinging give us a false sense of security?

At times we cling so tightly that we tend to control with our clinging.  We hang onto something because you never know, someday you may need it.  You haven’t used it this far so what gives you the impression that you may eventually use it?  Go inside your closet, I remember holding onto things that were 2  sizes smaller then what I was because you never know.  I may get my weight down someday.  Aren’t we so funny?! 

In my humble opinion I believe it’s the fear of letting go. 

Wouldn’t your life be freer with fewer things that clutter?

Why not use the things we have – even the things we consider “nice” things on a daily basis?  What are you holding on for?

Just like LOVE maybe the best policy is to HOLD things loosely!

“Relationships of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

encouragement, inspiration, motivation, new beginnings awakening, change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking

Allow me to introduce you to Anne Lyken-Garner

The thing that struck me when we approached the lavender field was the fact that the ground was completely parched – so dry you could pick up the soil and crumple it into sand particles between your fingers. It made me wonder how such rich plants with such glorious scents could survive and indeed, thrive in such harsh and unwelcoming surroundings.    

I was later told the lavender plant loves dry soil. In fact, the very thing that makes them smell so sweet is the hardship they endure having to make it through without food and water. In other words, the harder they work to survive, the sweeter they smell. 

We’re like that sometimes, aren’t we? The harder we work at understanding life and building confidence to deal with difficulty, the better we become for it.

My kids don’t believe me, but I tell them often that they won’t learn patience unless they’re made to wait for things. The very thing that produces patience is that which induces the ‘hardship’. Likewise, the things that make us appreciate happiness in life are those which make us go through pain. For how can we truly understand happiness if we don’t know what not being happy feels like?

So, when you’re going through stumbling blocks in life don’t get stuck on wondering, ‘why me’. I know it’s difficult, but fully engage with the stumbling blocks by using them as stepping stones to climb to where you want to be. Why? Because those are the same blocks you’ll own later on, which you’ll use to build the foundation of a stronger you. Keep those stones well polished because you’ll also use them to create a more rigid confidence platform – a platform from which you can help your girlfriends cope when sanity is slipping from their grasps.

Embrace life’s little rocks with confidence because like diamonds, if they were soft and cushy they wouldn’t be precious – and they certainly wouldn’t be our best friends!

BIO

Anne Lyken-Garner is an author, freelance writer, blogger and editor. She writes for, and manages 4 blogs and edited The Writers Bureau online student magazine for 2 years. She specialises in relationship help and How to Build Confidence. Anne’s inspirational memoir, Sunday’s Child is due out later in Spring. It’s an inspiring story of a little girl struggling to rise above appalling living conditions, poverty, violence and abuse.

Anne Lyken-Garner, Uncategorized change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, motivation, Patience, positive thinking