THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU ENTER AN AFFAIR – PART ONE

The TRUST was broken and once TRUST is broken it is very difficult to get back, it caused havoc in our lives, and our families! The hurt, the pain, the deceptions were all part of the affair.  It was a crazy time, but through it all I endured, and stayed focused on what was in front of me. 

The months that lead to the divorce agreement were not easy.  You see I believe in “MARRIAGE”, and I believe in fidelity and loyalty!  I had to let go of the concepts of fidelity and loyalty and focus on ME – going beyond the concepts – I began to inquire about the nature of cheating.  Cheating as it seems is a symptom of a greater problem. 

At first I traveled from the east coast to the west coast – initially to get away from the affair, then to get back with him and see if we could work it out.  Not so easy – too many things had happened.  Finally, I saw and felt that he lost part of his heart with the affair.  I had to call the insanity of living this way to an end!  I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, have a half man – I will NOT SETTLE for a man that I can’t trust, or one that lies or deceives in any way!  Ladies, we have to respect ourselves and none of us should put up with this behavior…..

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”  Maureen Dowd

Bottom line –stay away from married men, there is nothing good that will come out of an affair!  If a married man approaches you and wants to start something, don’t be flattered, instead look at him in the eye and say:

 “You have a wife – go home to your wife and stop wasting my time!”

Be firm, be strong, and don’t be flattered….EVERYONE will be better off for that BOLD answer of yours!

Here is the conundrum, I finally asked him – “Why did you marry, why did you deceive me, and why did you not tell me”?  He stated:  ”the answer to these questions are the same” – he paused – “BECAUSE I LOVED YOU”!

So all in all it’s a lose/lose situation as Corrine Edwards states in her blog entitled, “A Woman Without a Man – He’s Married But.”

The most profound part of this story is that something quite beautiful came from it all – yes the “silver lining” – I was inspired to create MakeGirlfriends.com and pursue my dream of building transitional homes for women.  I said if I can touch one life by creating MakeGirlfriends.com, then I will have done my job, and it’s worth all the hard work that I put into it – well here is the good news: 

Not one life has been touched, but so many people have shared with me that they have been inspired, encouraged and transformed…..I call this turning lemons into lemonade!  Everyone has this capacity, but we must all force ourselves to take charge of our lives, and make lemonade from the bad experiences of our life!!!

I leave you with this most beautiful quote of love - for through it all I still believe in LOVE….I have forgiven and I wish him well on his path…..forgiveness is an act of self love.

Successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

By the way, there is a miracle in joyful living from our own life experiences!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us ALL!

Infidelity, encouragement, love, motivation affair, Infidelity, love

Hello Girlfriends – They say it takes two to tango – so today I’m going to address a topic very near and dear to my heart, and one that I’m ready to tell….it’s a part of my life and my story…..and no it has nothing to do with dancing…..even though I feel that I danced nicely through it all.

My husband having an affair happened to me and my girlfriend in Chicago has encouraged me to publish this article that was written a while back…..so my thanks goes to Corinne and her encouragement…..The truth is, an affair often has less to do with how your husband feels about you or the mistress, and everything to do with how a man feels about himself.

Think twice ladies if a married man approaches you and seeking an extramarital affair or even a one night stand.  Don’t cheapen yourself to someone else’s standards and levels! 

Is cheating really the problem?  Or is it just a symptom?

I am getting so tired of hearing of affairs – it’s in the media far too much these days – Tiger Woods, Sandra Bullock’s husband and even Presidents of States like Berlusconi in Italy and even our own U.S. Presidents!  It’s not only in Hollywood … yes, even my own husband indulged, as so many husbands.
 

Think about it, if you are a single woman, you have everything to lose because you are the one that gets fitted into the puzzle – and if you are the married man – he has everything to lose too.  It just gets too complicated!

Within 2 weeks I knew, and I knew it deep in my soul –but I hoped for the best!  He lied, lied and lied some more –  After 5 months he told me he was having an affair with someone.  He didn’t even have the courage to tell me who.  I figured it out myself and the double jeopardy is that he was having an affair with an acquaintance of mine – a so called “friend”…… 

We should have each other’s blind side!
 

So maybe I should give everyone some clues, since some women don’t find out for years and when I hear that I just don’t understand – I ask myself, “didn’t you SEE the clues”….

So what are some clues that your husband is having an affair?

-          He starts to act aloof

-          You ask a question and you don’t get a straight answer

-          He goes away from you quite a bit – many garage trips or other errands….

-          He wants to move out so he can figure things out

-          You once did everything together and all of a sudden it slowly stops and he wants   

            “ALONE TIME”

-          He takes up activities that bring him out of the house

-          Your intuition or gut feeling tells you that something is not right – TRUST IT

-          You ask if you can go on a business trip with him since you have the time
            and he denies you and makes an excuse of why you shouldn’t go    

-          You feel oppressed and disconnected around him, and can’t figure out why?

-          He gets irritated if you ask too many questions

-          His phone is always on silence and it’s always been on ring mode

Now all the signs may be there, but for some it’s very hard to believe the signs and you don’t want to see that your husband may be having an affair, so you continue to live life in denial and one day you get blown away that is truly happening….remember, they get very good at lying and can manipulate stories and because he’s your husband and you love him, you believe the stories and the lies for the sake of the marriage. 

We believe what we want to but we see only what we believe!

Infidelity Statistics:  50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. Do these infidelity statistics seem a bit startling? What these findings suggest is that approximately half of all married men and women do seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. But what does this really mean and why are the number of men and women having extramarital affairs so high? This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are not about sex. What then, is the main factor that causes infidelity?  This will be for another time….. 

To be continued……….the next part in 2 days

Infidelity, inspiration, love, motivation affair, Infidelity, love