Photography by David Lawn

The Parable of the Raft is probably one of the most famous parables taught by the Buddha. He compared his own teachings to a raft that could be used to cross the river, but should be discarded when one made it safely to the other shore. 

A man is trapped on one side of a fast-flowing river. Where he stands, there is great danger and uncertainty – but on the far side of the river, there is safety. But there is no bridge or ferry for crossing. So the man gathers logs, leaves, twigs, and vines and is able to fashion a raft, sturdy enough to carry him to the other shore. By lying on the raft and using his arms to paddle, he crosses the river to safety. 

The Buddha then asks the listeners a question: “What would you think if the man, having crossed over the river, then said to himself, ‘Oh, this raft has served me so well, I should strap it on to my back and carry it over land now?’” The Monk replied that it would not be very sensible to cling to the raft in such a way. 

The Buddha continues: “What if he lay the raft down gratefully, thinking that this raft has served him well, but is no longer of use and can thus be laid down upon the shore?”

The monks replied that this would be the proper attitude.

The Buddha concluded by saying, “So it is with my teachings, which are like a raft, and are for crossing over with — not for seizing hold of.”  

So at that I crossover to another part of my life – no need to cling to the things you love but to let them free in order for them to take on a new life for themselves.  

I have followed different personal development blogs over the years and have grown and learned from so many of them. It’s all been said, in one blog or another. The advice offered is splendid but how many of us truly want to create change? How many truly want to get out of their comfort zones? Each one offers different perspectives, different solutions to issues, different ways on how to “get happy.”

So now I will include my list of perspectives on life and what I’ve learned through my amazing journey with MakeGirlfriends.

My list of transformation and growth

1. Live Simply – if that means put everything in storage and move every 4-6 months – go for it – it’s not all about the destination but the journey that makes us who we are. Ghandi stated, “Live simply so others can simply live.”

2. Live in the Present Moment - for this is truly what we have is the “moment”. We may have illusions of time but it’s all about the moment, I have a very good friend that would remind me, where are your shoes right now – I would say right here – that is where the moment lies.

3. No Judgment – stop judging others and it will be easier to stop judging yourself.

4. Forgive and Let Go - forgiveness is an act of self love and to truly forgive allows us to let go.

5. No Obligations – meaning do things out of LOVE and not GUILT.

6. LOVE – really and truly LOVE – for LOVE is the basis of everything beautiful and we are LOVE at our core! See through a child’s eyes. Be thrilled and excited about life. Find miracles everywhere. We are all capable of grand LOVE. Open your heart to LOVE!

7. NO FEAR – There are 2 human emotions FEAR or LOVE – you choose! When you operate from fear there is no love and when you operate from love there is no fear.

8. You are the Author of your life – Live out your life as if you are writing your life story.

9. Too much FUN is never enough! – no need to explain this one so give yourself permission to have FUN.

10. Stop and smell the flowers always – not when there is time but always; make yourself STOP!

11. Be TRUE to yourself – live in that authentic truth to yourself and you will never have to remember the lies to keep a story straight.

12. Live by the Four Agreements – 1) Impeccable Word, 2) Don’t take anything personally, 3) Never make assumptions, 4) Always do your best.

13. Live, Laugh and Dance as if today was your last day on earth.

14. Buy the SHOES!

15. Courage – never be afraid to tell the truth for it takes courage to speak in the truth and can change a life.

Brené Brown, Ph.D. writes, “Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.”

16. Take care of your body – You only have one body and it’s your temple; look good and feel good for yourself first. Exercise and eating healthy is key.

17. I AM Statements – the power of the word from the beginning of time. I AM THAT I AM!

18. Gratitude – live in an attitude of gratitude – the more we are grateful for the more will come into our lives that we can be grateful of. Know that I am grateful for all of you that have followed me and have taken the time to comment on my blog posts.

19. Being Happy is a CHOICE – you choose!

20. Peace, Harmony, Happiness and LOVE to each one of you – living in love and light.

In case anyone is asking why are you letting MakeGirlfriends.com go? I have been thinking of letting go for a many months now and here are some of the reasons:

1. When I realized that habit was taking over my passion for writing posts that’s a true sign to observe and do something different. Habit makes you continue to do things over and over and expecting different results – wait, isn’t that the definition of Insanity?

2. I spent so much time, energy and money on this website and I started to cling to that fact instead and I continued to post blogs due to that fact.

3. Letting Go = Failure (EGO talking) – In reality – LETTING GO = FREEDOM

4. Trusting that when you say “no” to what doesn’t serve you, life says “yes” to your greatness.

I read recently a quote from Abraham: There are no choices that are really a detour that will take you far from where you’re wanting to be because your Inner Being is always guiding you to the next, and the next, and the next. So don’t be concerned that you may make a fatal choice because there aren’t any of those. You are always finding your balance. It’s a never ending process.

I have made incredible relationships through the blogging community, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Corinne Edwards, Kelly Rudolph, Maureen Simon and Nicole Rushin. I have not met Galen Pearl, Alex Blackwell, David Stephens, Martin and Pam Clooney, Irving from Hans of Harmony and Debbie Bills. All of these people work very hard on their blogs and I celebrate their work.

So now I take all the time I’ve spent on blogging and writing for my blog and will dedicate that time to writing my book that has been in progress for about 2 years now. I am in the creative collaboration stage so I am a little reluctant to give you the title. I ask that you stay in touch for I would love to hear about your lives. I will continue to follow your blog posts but won’t feel the pressure of having to respond, picking and choosing what I would like to read. Living in line with my truth. I will now have more time with face to face and eye to eye interaction with people I meet.

So now I introduce you to the first person that came to my “heart” Nathalie Villeneuve. She started the group on facebook named “The Women of Facebook” and she will continue this beautiful space of love and passion with MakeGirlfriends.com. Nathalie will not be changing the name of the site.

I will have the pleasure of introducing Nathalie next week to you all. My final day will be August 1, 2012.

I introduce you to Nathalie Villeneuve

Peace, Harmony, Happiness, Love to all of you and……as always, I sign off by saying:

Accountability, Appreciation, Celebration, Change, Closure, Comfort Zone, encouragement, Friends, gratitude, Happiness, inspiration, JOY, Living in the moment, love, motivation, new beginnings, passion, Power of words, Spirit of a woman, The Five Agreements, Think Big, Truth acceptance, appreciation, awakening, change, encouargement, friendships, Girlfriends, gratitude, Happiness, illumination, impeccable word, insight, inspiration, joy, love, motivation, positive thinking, revelation, Self love, Truth

by Erin Williams LMSW, BCD, CHt,

I’ve been familiar with the concept of “loops of learning” on my journey for a while now, and damn it if it isn’t more apparent now than ever.  So here is how it works….You learn a lesson in life, maybe through a relationship or recurring situation, and you heal part of it.  Then a few months or years later, a similar situation occurs, so and you are faced with another OPPORTUNITY to heal a deeper part of that issue.  It can feel like riding on a roller coaster that you had no intention of going on.  You thought you were in line for the tunnel of love, and instead found yourself in a full harness on Mega Mountain.

            When you become aware of the “loops of learning” in your life, you will be able to see them all over the place.  For example, you may have felt betrayed by a girl friend in high school, so now when you meet new girl friends there is some level of distrust.  The concept of “loops of learning”, might have you meeting new girl friends every year or so, where you have the opportunity to work through your distrust.  You might feel it in the beginning like an automatic reaction to the new friendship, but the learning process would allow you to eventually discern who was trustworthy, and who may not be a suitable friend for you.  In this way, you are healing the automatic reaction of distrust, and allowing yourself to now create deep connections with women in a way you weren’t able to do before. 

            Recently, I have had many clients coming in and talking about BIG issues resurfacing.  I hear a lot of “I THOUGHT I HAD HEALED THIS!!!  WHY IS IT COMING UP AGAIN!”  Well, for those of us that are paying attention and aware of the energy shifting lately, we can feel that it is INTENSE, to say the least.  What is happening is that we are being given big, big, and BIGGER opportunities to heal all those skeletons in our closets, so that we will be able to welcome the new, profound, and truly beautiful energy that awaits us.  You see, the deeper you go with your healing, the more capacity you have to experience this profound loving energy…..the more you heal, the more bliss you are able to experience NOW!

            Do not allow yourself to be frustrated by this process.  Let it wash over your body like a warm wave of water, and just float on top of it effortlessly.  Go ahead and tell yourself it’s safe to feel all of your emotions, then feel them and watch as they dissolve into greater levels of happiness and contentment.  Most of the time, we try so hard to distract ourselves from feeling the emotions or doing our own healing work, so it comes up again and again.  So now, once and for all, decide to feel it, and release it.  Trust that fear has no power over you, and that you are in fact SAFE always.  Try the mantra, “I now choose to release all that is not truly me.”  Since we are LOVE at our core, this will help to release all of the ego, fear-based dilutions that are weighing your vibration down. 

Blessing to you!  Good things are coming!

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

http://healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams awakening, change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking, Self love, women friendship

by Patricia Gozlan

Where we are and what we do are constantly pressured by modern society – everything needs to be done fast, we want it all, and we want it now! How is it possible to have it all while maintaining a healthy work life balance?

There are some important things that cannot be done in 5 minutes or less, for all savvy business owners:

1. Getting married to Mr. or Mrs. Right
2. Pregnancy
3. Seeing your children grow
4. Admiring a sunset
5. Savoring a good glass of wine or a delicious homemade dish
6. Attracting the right persons in your life or business
7. Learn an art or skill and accomplishing them
8. Recovering from an accident, open wound or injury…

The list goes on, and I’m sure you can think of even more!

So how can we manage all our daunting little ‘chores’ thinking we must go fast, be productive, and also learn from, without taking the growth of our own selves as spiritual beings into account?

This is like wanting to have the dish your mother or grandmother knew how to do, where they left the food to cook for hours, using the most exclusive ingredients and pouring their love and energy into making it so delicious… but you are expecting to find this very dish in a fast food restaurant instead.

What is the right compromise when it comes to ‘fast and good’ or ‘fast and indigestible’?

If you had a choice between a plastic ring and a diamond ring, which would you choose?

Well, for all matters in life, all these apply:

1. Divide the big tasks into mini or small tasks. With smaller expectations, bigger satisfactions come when you finish them.
2. Find a balance between ‘fast and well done’ and ‘slowly as where time does not exist’.
3. Decide how many hours you choose to set your microwave, and always remember to calculate the risks, especially when going too fast.
4. Savour each moment, each day with your family and loved ones, hobbies, friends, nature, and good food as though they were your very last.

 Here are some quotes for you to ponder on and help you achieve that balance:

• With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown. – Chinese Proverb
• Our patience will achieve more than our force. – Edmund Burke
• Infinite patience creates instant results. – Anonymous

What are the tasks and actions you can choose to go slower with, and what are the ones you can do faster?

Slow Living is about connecting with a group of people outside from the internet community and savor the moment by expanding the concept of time.

Work life balance strategy:

It is important for your work life balance and to enhance the quality of your life to take a break and get out of the city where air, noise, and light are natural and where time does not exist or to take long breaks in the middle of nature far from cell phones, computers, cars and stress breathing fresh air, sleeping well and eating organic natural foods.

Does having a microwave-mindset make you feel more prosperity, inside and out? How can  you as a savvy business owner achieve lifework balance in terms of quality and time?

 For more information about adding quality time in your life, please download my free report in the free start here (http://www.patriciagozlan.com/free-products/) and let me know your unique strategy on how you decide now to create more quality time for you.

Patricia Gozlan change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, Manifestation, motivation, positive thinking, work balance

Words of Nicole Rushin

If I can write honestly for a moment – I have a birthday coming up in only 9 months! I know I will be laughed at by many of you who have passed this milestone, but for some reason this number bothers me, it itches, I want to throw it off.

The thought of being 39 for the last time sits with me, shakes her head, gives me a sideways glance and says, ‘You’re not exactly where I thought you would be.’ As if I have disappointed my demanding inner child.

I want new pictures taken for my online profiles, but I am afraid they won’t look the way I see myself. To be quite frank, when I look in the mirror I still see a young face. For the first time in my life I see smoothness and radiance. Where did this light come from?

I keep hearing that it only matters how we see ourselves, but there is some disconcerting imbalance between what I see and the feeling of not being somewhere. Where is this somewhere? Can I be radiant without reaching?

Oprah used to celebrate women in their forties. Hmph! I guess she bypassed forty and left all of us behind. I see no Oil of Olay ads in my future anyway. Maybe there is still time to make her recommended book list before the clock winds down.

Where is the celebration? The triumph? Balloons? Will there be those? Maybe I can just put in my ear buds and listen to Jack Johnson on a beach somewhere. Again – that somewhere. And how can I schedule this vacation without my inner child finding me?

I guess she’s kind of cute anyway with her snow blonde hair and curious blue eyes. (Maybe she is no harder on me than I ever was on her.) And what a dreamer!  On the swing set alone she pumps her legs with all her might until finally, finally she is airborne and flying in that place of maybe and what if.

What if people had purple faces? What if we had three arms or what would life be like with no moon?

She has the ability to be with no place to be.

I look out the window as she carries rocks to the wild petunias. She tells me the Mimi Spirits need them. I believe her and later on I will help her carry rocks so the spirits can slip in and out of our world.

I suppose my thirties have been an accumulation of finding my somewhere, of never arriving, packing my bags, leaving, staying and finally realizing that life is never about the arrival. You find your free space, your somewhere, when you finally stop pumping your legs.

“So child, if we are not exactly where you thought we would be where should we go?”

She pulls at her blue plaid dress because it itches and she wants to throw it off. She jumps off the bottom step like it is the leap of her death, and says, “Let’s go put words together like we did yesterday. You know the way they lean like the little baby cosmos on the fence!” She pinches her fingers together to show me how small they are.

“Where will we get the words?” I ask.

“They’r under the rocks – yu know,” she pulls her dress over her head. I love the way it hangs on her nose and lingers in her sweaty hair. Such freedom. Digging for words under rocks is always better in dirt stained underwear.

At 39 I guess I am realizing there was never anywhere to go. If I had ever waited long enough life would have blown me where I needed to be. People and faces come in on unpredictable winds. People leave, situations change. We create goals and intend our plans, climb a ladder to nowhere only to realize our somewhere was already everywhere.

And here is the radiance. Blue jeans and farm fencing. Dogs that come when you call their names. Pillows! Pillows everywhere, rain and tiny drops of cream and sugar in your coffee… (I am pinching my fingers together to show you how tiny the drops are.)

Turning the corner I pick up the blue plaid dress from the summer lawn. Maybe this itchy number was about freeing my inner child all along. Maybe it was about me believing in her dream.

Believing that the somewhere place could simply be here.

Bio

Nicole Rushin quietly manages her blog Writing as Loud as I Can @ nicolerushin.com where she writes and talks about poetry, dreams, growth, her journey of writing and what it feels like to let go of the pen. She publishes a monthly pdf e-book called Dream-Speak.

Nicole Rushin awakening, birthday, gratitude, illumination, insight, inspiration, positive thinking, revelation

Please welcome our newest guest blogger Galen Pearl 

Yield and overcome

Bend and be straight

–Tao Te Ching

I spent a lovely weekend at my mountain cabin recently.  The cabin sits in dense forest just above a rushing creek.  On the far side of the creek is a ridge, which keeps that side of the creek in shade for much of the day.

When I’m at the cabin, I spend a lot of time at the creek.  I like to have my morning tea sitting on its bank.  On a hot day, I stay close to the creek.  The water comes from melting snow further up the mountain.  The icy temperature creates natural air conditioning above the dancing race of sparkling froth. 

Over a year ago, sudden warm weather after a heavy snow flooded the creek.  Boulders and trees swept downstream like thundering herds of buffalo.  Afterwards, I saw that a birch tree on the far side of the creek had toppled over.  It lay balanced on several rocks just above the water, its base hidden in the underbrush by the creek’s edge.  Over the winter, it looked just like the other logs and driftwood scattered along the banks.

But with spring came a surprise.  Bright green leaves budded and unfurled along its branches.  It was not only living, it was thriving.  On my recent visit, I contemplated its strange existence.  The roots, I concluded, must still be anchored on the bank.  As I examined it from my side of the creek, I realized that the tree was now strategically placed to get the maximum sunlight during the day.  Away from the ridge and from the towering evergreens, the birch tree’s branches were in the most open area right in the middle of the creek. 

The tree seemed unabashed by its precarious and awkward position.  It was not ashamed at being horizontal.  It was in perfect harmony with the creek and the sun, happy to be alive, busy with photosynthesis, unconcerned with what the other trees thought.

The phrase “bloom where you’re planted” comes to mind.  When I lived overseas, I found that the expatriates who were most happy were those who were flexible, who let go of what was familiar and embraced their new environment with curiosity and a sense of adventure, along with a good sense of humor.  There were times when I initially felt anxious, and I’m sure I looked foolish.  But when I “got over myself,” I fell in love with my exotic surroundings.  Every day was exciting.  I learned new languages, tried new foods, respected new customs, made new friends.

Even when we are living in our “usual” surroundings, things happen that throw us into uncharted waters.  I remember the first day I heard the word “autism” in relation to my son.  I remember the day my daughter told me she was pregnant. I remember falling off the roof (of my beloved cabin!).  I remember other times when my life changed in the blink of an eye.  Many of these changes initially seemed like tragedies, and yet turned out to be my most cherished blessings, blessings I failed to recognize until I let go of my resistance and my fear.

We can’t always control our circumstances, but we can control our attitude towards them.  Like the tree, we can bloom where we’re planted, and thrive. 

BIO

Galen Pearl is the author of 10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place (and Staying There), a blog devoted to helping us develop habits to grow a joyful spirit.  In addition to writing, she leads workshops and discussion groups focused on increasing the joy in our lives.

Galen Pearl attitude, encouargement, insight, inspiration, perspective, positive thinking

by Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

Drama has its own very special energy.  For me, it feels like my heart is trying to stay grounded in the midst of a hurricane.  However, it’s different for everyone.  I had a client once tell me that it felt like she was drowning in a kiddie pool.  At first, I had a difficult time understanding what she meant.   Then after some time, I began to think that was a brilliant description of drama!  Drowning in a kiddie pool….it’s like all you have to do is stand up and walk away, or sit up for that matter.  However, for whatever reason, you begin to believe that you have no choice other than to take mouthfuls of questionable water. 

So what is the art of detaching from drama?  There is an art to just about everything else, so I’m sure there is one for detaching.  Let’s see….I think first you have to realize you are indeed in the kiddie pool, and surrounded by 5 year olds.  So take a moment to really look around.  It can be a bit like the matrix at first, where you realize, HOLY SHIT!  I thought I was surrounded by mature adults, but suddenly everyone is wearing swimmies and fighting over who gets the big, red, bouncy ball.   

Don’t panic!  You are safe, and seeing things clearly is the first step to detaching.  With this new realization, you can now recall your present age, freedom, and power.  I like to do that by stating, “I am __________ years old, and I have the power to make any choice in this lifetime.  I can choose something that will serve me, or I can choose something that will not serve me.  Today, I am choosing to DETACH from this situation, because that will serve me, my health, and well-being.”  Then take a giant step out of that pool and dry off.  Drying off may look different to different people.  Perhaps you physically go away for a period of time, or you mentally and emotionally spend some time away from the drama.  You decide.  After all, you are the one that is in charge of you.

The next step is a really important one—-REST!  Then rest some more.  When you are consumed by drama, you are vibrating at that low frequency, and that has the ability to make you ill and depleted.  So you will need to take some time for yourself to rest, heal, and raise your vibration.  Raising your vibration is key here, because it will allow you to see the situation in a better light.  You will begin to see more options, and you will be able to let go of anger, frustration, and resentment. 

Ways you might raise your vibration include spending time near water, drinking more water, taking healing baths, listening to happy mood boosting music, eating healthy beautiful foods, exercising, and spending time doing the things you like to do, with people that make you feel good!  Give yourself a set amount of time to heal and rest, before you even allow yourself to think about the situation….let’s say at least a week.  Then go ahead and revisit it.  If it still feels like it’s sucking the life out of you, take another week, and then repeat.  YOUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS IS IMPORTANT, so get out of the kiddie pool, put on your ipod, and go layout in the grownups only section.  DOESN’T THAT FEEL BETTER?!!  Ohhhhh yes it doesJ

Wishing you an abundance of JOY!!!!!  You so deserve it!

Love to you,

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

www.healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams awakening, Detachment, encouargement, Happiness, insight, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking, Self love

Love is too rare and special to make up artificial rules that ignore the magical illogic of the human heart. Mark David Gerson

What happens when love is not enough to sustain a relationship?

This past week I have been immersed with people coming into my life that are in relationships that probably should have ended a long time ago. They love that person and yet it’s not quite enough to stay. As these stories unravel, I reflect on my own life.

My girlfriend in California – Giovanna- gave me these words of wisdom:

We are all on the same journey. We take different avenues, making stops, perhaps staying in a neighborhood or relationship too long. Eventually we all get there. Women (the feminine essence of spirit) are very good in seeing the potential in men and believing love will be enough to “fix” their partner. What often time happens in the relationship, when the fix does not happen fast enough or at all over time, the masculine energy in us starts coming out through nagging, blaming, expecting or a plethora of other things that operate from the negative. This pushes the man and the relationship away. We as women must remain in our power of the feminine through speaking from the heart and from our own truth.

Love Simply Is….We cannot “fix”

Simply No Expectations….

By living in our truth we learn to communicate in positive ways. Stating what is on our minds in a gentle, loving way. Nagging, blaming are catabolic reactions. We can learn to communicate by simply stating…….WHAT IS….

Why then at times is love not enough?

Potential: Because often we meet someone who is on a different level then we are and we see something in that person – we see their spirit, their potential. They may not be ready for what we have to make the change to operate from a higher vibration. Remember, we are mirrors and reflections of each other so we attract into our world what we see with our eyes that we need in order to learn and grow.

Timing: It may not be the “right” time yet, perfect nonetheless, for in every relationship there is a lesson to be learned for that time in our lives.

This is the part where we hold love “loosely.” We end up hanging on too long because we don’t want to hurt, disappoint, be alone, lose the house, the stuff in it and the memories of what was.

Life is to be experienced not haphazardly but in full joy and bliss! We all have the potential for bliss, and truly how many of us allow ourselves to go to a place of bliss and dance from our inner spirit. To live in the possibilities of life and all it’s adventures that it has to offer. To live from our imaginations. Like Albert Einstein once so eloquently stated, “imagination is more important than knowledge.”

I read this recently:

“Are we being driven by love or by a lie of obligations?”

This takes me to the next part of this article:

To love is to know when to let go and set it free so that person can grow according to HIS purpose and design. This takes courage.

The more open–hearted and vulnerable I am to love that enters my world and I remain as if I was an open vessel, it will and can transform me.

Love is a transformational force of nature.

The love that led to my marriage became the pain of its dissolution. The joy experienced by being with my grown children is also the heartache of our parting. We must taste the salt of our tears to know the sweetness of life. For life is forever sweet!

Love brings about intense joy as well as intense pain. This is the conundrum of this FOUR letter word that carries so much weight. If we can only remind ourselves that in this time of pain and letting go we open our hearts even more….more….and some more. The flip side of not opening up our hearts is closing our hearts and the cause of a closed heart is resentment, bitterness and more pain – and eventually shutting your heart to love even more.

I choose to be the open vessel when love comes calling. I welcome it with a gentle smile, gleaming eyes and know that through every relationship we are only learning to love even more.

LOVE SIMPLY IS…..TO BE LIVED PASSIONATELY AND ON FIRE FOR ALL HUMANKIND WHILE STAYING IN OUR TRUTH

LOVE IS THE ENERGY THAT FUELS EVERYTHING AND CHANGES EVERYTHING FOR WE ALL ARE LOVE

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

encouragement, Happiness, Insight, inspiration, love change, encouargement, Happiness, insight, inspiration, love, motivation, positive thinking

How many of us cling to things?

STUFF?   IDEAS?   MEMORIES?

This post is in conclusion to reading Gretchen Rubin’s book entitled, The Happiness Project, where she states, “as part of my happiness project I wanted to stop hoarding, to trust in abundance, so that I could use things up, give things away, throw things out.”

This chapter touched me because it was talking about what I was in my past.  I use to be a pack rat – keeping, hoarding, collecting.  A wonderful thing that came out of my divorce is that I let things go, when I buy something now it’s because I need it.  I remember I was living in California after I decided to remove myself from the situation that was happening in my marriage and my husband at the time had called me, I had lost 23 pounds during the ordeal (part of my letting go) and I remember telling him to get rid of everything in my closet.  That was the most liberating thing I did for myself besides getting the divorce.  It’s easier to have someone else there to get rid of things for you or have a friend help you out in your getting rid process.

Gretchen wrote in her book the time she took a bottle of ”My Sin” perfume from her grandmother’s bureau.  She remembers it sitting on her bureau forever in its original box.  When she opened it the bottle was full to the top.  She wondered, “what was she saving it for?”  She now keeps this bottle in her office to remind her to not keep but use.

For myself, I now use everything I own, the pretty stationery that was given to me and was too pretty to use.  I wear the clothes I buy.  How many of us have fine china? Do you use it?  What I did was start using my fine china years ago.  Why not make one meal a week a “fine china” meal.  Serve hot dogs on your fine china – why not?  This reminds me of the movie “Sideways” when at the end of the movie Paul Giamatti had saved his finest bottle of wine and the movie ends with him drinking his expensive bottle of wine that he had been keeping for so long with a McDonalds meal at a McDonalds.  How appropriate…… 

Everything I own has been in storage for over 2 years and I don’t miss anything – not a day has gone by that I say,  I miss…. These things did not create or make me happy.  I travel with the clothes that I own, my office, and a few kitchen gadgets.  I rent places that are fully furnished and my life has been simple and an adventure thus far.   I’m not saying sell everything you own but I do want you to think about the things you cling to?

We cling to things, we cling to people, we cling to ideas, we cling to memories.

The word is cling and it’s definition signifies; to hold onto – to hoard.

Does clinging give us a false sense of security?

At times we cling so tightly that we tend to control with our clinging.  We hang onto something because you never know, someday you may need it.  You haven’t used it this far so what gives you the impression that you may eventually use it?  Go inside your closet, I remember holding onto things that were 2  sizes smaller then what I was because you never know.  I may get my weight down someday.  Aren’t we so funny?! 

In my humble opinion I believe it’s the fear of letting go. 

Wouldn’t your life be freer with fewer things that clutter?

Why not use the things we have – even the things we consider “nice” things on a daily basis?  What are you holding on for?

Just like LOVE maybe the best policy is to HOLD things loosely!

“Relationships of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

encouragement, inspiration, motivation, new beginnings awakening, change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking

by Erin Williams

Spring is here, and we are all coming out of our wooly, winter cocoons and shopping for bright spring colors.  Maybe it is because we are shedding these big layers, that I have recently noticed I am having many more discussions about body image.  

These conversations have led to many sessions with women working on developing a positive relationship with their bodies and food.  This certainly is not some new, cutting edge topic, but I have recently developed new ways to think about it.

Most conversations start off with frustration and anger about how they have fallen off their dieting and or exercise regime.  “I am so pissed!!!  I was running 3 miles a day and feeling amazing and then I went on vacation, came back, and stopped running altogether.  Why has it been so difficult for me to get back on track!!!  Uggggh!!! 

My reply has been this:  I believe understanding why exact behavior plays into a normal and natural cycle will help women forgo all the abusive self-talk and go right to having a more compassionate and healthy relationship with themselves and consequently exercise and food.  First there are many layers to us to look at in understanding why this is normal and natural.  We are animals first (creatures of habit), then we are human beings (always adapting and changing), and lastly, we are women (goal oriented, task maskers, juggling a million things at once).  We want to have success with work, family, our personal appearance, our spiritual and emotional self, and also wanting to have a fun filled life. 

One of the struggles we come up against is not realizing that you cannot address all of these areas of your life every single day.  If we can come to some acceptance about this we will be sooooo much better off.   There is a natural cycle the ensues, where we focus for a while on caring for our physical bodies, and then our emotional selves, and then shift the focus to work for a while, our families and so on.   We do not cycle in a day.  Think about how many cycles we operate on that are natural…..our menstrual cycle, sleep cycle, seasons, the moon, and so forth. 

Our relationship with food and exercise is also a cycle, and there is nothing wrong or bad about that.  The cycle is what is constant and natural.  When I hear women coming in telling me that they went out this past weekend and ate a bunch of rich food and drank red wine, and although they had a great time, now feel terrible…..”and why can’t I just stop doing that altogether?”  I have begun to hear it as if they were asking me “why do I have to sleep at night?  I wish I could just go, go, go.  That way I would always be getting things done.” 

The reason why you can’t always be in super health food mode or super exercise mode is because of our natural cycles.  ACCEPT THIS!  It feels really good.  Next, after you come to some acceptance, set the intention that you want to be healthy and feel good.  This will mean that anything you are doing is going to coincide with these intentions for yourself.  For example, if you are forcing yourself to go for a run and you are hating every minute of it, you are not acting based on your intention for yourself.  Make a shift and choose to do something that will get you moving, but also be enjoyable….walking on a beautiful path, going for a hike on a beautiful trail…etc.  When you go out for wine with friends, skip the self loathing, and realize this is also part of your natural life cycle and part of your intention for yourself to feel good and be happy. 

If your body is signaling you that it’s time to go into super health food or exercise mode, you should listen to that too.  Your body will know when it is time to do that.  The part that you should skip is the self loathing and nasty self talk.  Just accept that it’s time to switch modes and do it with the intention of feeling good, inside and out!  You do not need to be fixed, so switch your perspective to see that. 

Happy Spring! 

You are beautiful and good things are happening!!!

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

www.healingplacecounseling.com   

Erin Williams, Uncategorized encouargement, Healthy living, insight, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking, Self love

Allow me to introduce you to Anne Lyken-Garner

The thing that struck me when we approached the lavender field was the fact that the ground was completely parched – so dry you could pick up the soil and crumple it into sand particles between your fingers. It made me wonder how such rich plants with such glorious scents could survive and indeed, thrive in such harsh and unwelcoming surroundings.    

I was later told the lavender plant loves dry soil. In fact, the very thing that makes them smell so sweet is the hardship they endure having to make it through without food and water. In other words, the harder they work to survive, the sweeter they smell. 

We’re like that sometimes, aren’t we? The harder we work at understanding life and building confidence to deal with difficulty, the better we become for it.

My kids don’t believe me, but I tell them often that they won’t learn patience unless they’re made to wait for things. The very thing that produces patience is that which induces the ‘hardship’. Likewise, the things that make us appreciate happiness in life are those which make us go through pain. For how can we truly understand happiness if we don’t know what not being happy feels like?

So, when you’re going through stumbling blocks in life don’t get stuck on wondering, ‘why me’. I know it’s difficult, but fully engage with the stumbling blocks by using them as stepping stones to climb to where you want to be. Why? Because those are the same blocks you’ll own later on, which you’ll use to build the foundation of a stronger you. Keep those stones well polished because you’ll also use them to create a more rigid confidence platform – a platform from which you can help your girlfriends cope when sanity is slipping from their grasps.

Embrace life’s little rocks with confidence because like diamonds, if they were soft and cushy they wouldn’t be precious – and they certainly wouldn’t be our best friends!

BIO

Anne Lyken-Garner is an author, freelance writer, blogger and editor. She writes for, and manages 4 blogs and edited The Writers Bureau online student magazine for 2 years. She specialises in relationship help and How to Build Confidence. Anne’s inspirational memoir, Sunday’s Child is due out later in Spring. It’s an inspiring story of a little girl struggling to rise above appalling living conditions, poverty, violence and abuse.

Anne Lyken-Garner, Uncategorized change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, motivation, Patience, positive thinking