I recently heard a You tube video with Jim Rohn and he had a clip entitled, “The Day That Turns Your Life Around.”  For any of you that have not heard it, I will share his wisdom and the actual video.  Jim Rohn was mentor to Tony Robbins, inspirational speaker and motivator. 

Here are 4 words that can turn your life around:

1. DISGUST – I’ve had it!  E N O U G H – you have hit your you know what level.
2. DECISION MAKING – Time to clean up a list of decisions.  You make lists, you study the opportunities and now it’s time to actually take action.
3. DESIRE – Wanting something bad enough.  You hear a song, a sermon, a conversation with a friend that makes you think.  When we have our walls down, we can then welcome all experiences.  It starts with desire.
4. RESOLVE – Say I will do it and actually do it.  Promising yourself that you’ll never give up.  You don’t give up until it makes sense to give up.

When you don’t allow to let go of your past, it creates barriers and walls for your future.

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.

Jim Rohn

Determination, Insight, encouragement, inspiration awakening, change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, positive thinking, Self love

Quick tips for holding onto happiness in the new year!!!

So often women find themselves in my office because they have lost their “happy”.  We have all kinds of profound conversations about what triggered the deep sadness, or anxiety, and what is contributing to it now.  We often explore old patterns and look at toxic relationships.  We examine their give and receive ratio (how much they are giving out to others, and how much they are allowing themselves to receive).   However, when it comes to feeling better quickly, we always have to go back to the basics….

1. SMILE often and especially in the mirror!  Yes, you are going to feel ridiculous, so just get over itJ  Muscle memory is a powerful thing, and you have every happy, joyful feeling stored in your cheek muscles.  So every time you go to smile, even if you aren’t in a particularly happy mood, you are triggering JOY.  The same way watching a fast food commercial can trigger a terrible craving for a mountain of French fries, smiling will trigger happy feelings.   Even better if you do it while looking in the mirror.  When you see yourself smiling, you are sending a powerful message to your subconscious mind that you are happy!  Your subconscious receives this info and then acts accordingly by sending out the powerful happy chemicals like serotonin!  Who doesn’t want that?!

 

2. At the beginning of your day, intend to BE HAPPINESS.  Take a minute in the morning in the shower to picture yourself throughout your day HAPPY.  What does happiness today look like, sound like, feel like?  Intend for nothing to get in the way of your happiness.  Intend to spread this happiness everywhere you go today.  Choose to spread positivity and be intentional about not going to the dark side (no complaining, criticizing, or negative statements today)!

 

3. Dress in colors that make you feel HAPPY, JOYOUS, & BEAUTIFUL!  Colors are one of the fastest ways to invite in new and happy energy.  When you are getting dressed in the morning, if your priority is to be happy, you should choose colors that make you feel happy.

 

4. Take 2 minutes out of your day to have compassion for yourself.  Most women look at me with a confused look when I say this….it’s alright if you are feeling confused a bit about what this looks like.  Stay with me!  Take 2 minutes or more to sit down by yourself and think about all that you have accomplished or dealt with today.  Put your hand over your heart and intend to send yourself some love.  The same way you would put an arm around a friend to comfort them.  If you are a visual person, picture your love as a color.  Send yourself bright pink and breath in this love and compassion in and out, until you are surrounded completely in this color.

 

5. Give yourself reminders around your house, office, and car, of your intentions to be happy.  You might write, “Today, I choose to live in limitless JOY!” on the bathroom mirror.  A good rule of thumb for any affirmation is that you say it to yourself, and then you take a deep breath and breathe it in to the deepest part of your soul, and say it again after your exhalation.

 

6. GET MOVING!  It doesn’t matter how you choose to do it, but choose to do it for 30mins a day.  You can dance, do some yoga, go for a walk or run, but get your body moving.  When your body is getting some healthy movement once per day, it is physically healthier and is better equipped to hold onto that happy feeling!

Happiness is a vibration like anything else.  It is an unconditional friend that will always come back to you when it is invited.  Intend to live it today, and watch how quickly you enjoy the benefits of its presence.  You so deserve in every way to be happy!

LOVE, LOVE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO YOU!

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

www.healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams encouargement, Happiness, insight, positive thinking, Self love

Unchained Melody ~ I invite you to watch the music video and feel the love….dedicated to each one of you that know love or have experienced love……

If one wishes to know love, one must live love, in action.  Leo Buscaglia

We are all born from Gods’ love – we die with Gods’ love and we do all we can do to find love in between our birth and our death.  Searching, seeking and longing for that true love……we were created to LOVE….

What is it about LOVE and why is it so hard to find?

I’m certain there are thousands upon thousands of stories written on the subject of ecstacy and longing.  Music galore about rising in love or falling out of love and many sonnets written about the heart connection.

We find love, we spend time with love, and know this must be LOVE, and then we do all we can to sabotage love, and walk away from it, in order to go find a more suitable love, for we think the grass is greener on the other side.    

I really don’t get it – Do you?

Is love an emotion, a feeling, a verb or noun?  The road to love can be long or not so long, can be lovely, can be adventurous, can be filled with joy or pain, can be a multitude of things.  I looked up the definition of love and this is what I found.  Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.  When I Googled, “What is it about love,” I found:  QUIZ: Is it Love?  WOW – now you can take a quiz to make sure it’s love! (I’m not sure if I want to do that)…..

Scientists say that the brain chemistry of infatuation is akin to mental illness – which gives new meaning to “madly in love.”

Love is about how the other person makes you feel.  The fact of the matter is that love involves non-verbal reactions – synaptic (chemical) connections within our brains.  Since I love to research, I did some research on LOVE. 

I discovered that the species that stick to one mate usually have a rich flow of another chemical called vasopressin, the “monogamy” chemical.  Experiments done with males injected with this chemical brought out all the evidence needed.  Isolating males before and after mating, he was indifferent to all females.  But 24 hours after mating, he is hooked for life.  The jealous husband syndrome sets in too.

Another chemical is oxytocin, the “cuddling” chemical.  It promotes the need to be physically held, have close contact with the mater, and makes the sexes more caring.  It can be released simply by a lover’s look, smell or even a fantasy.

When infatuation subsides, another chemical takes over which is responsible for intimate relationships, these chemicals are created by endorphins.  They make a relationship steadier, intimate, dependable, warm and a great sharing experience.  They do not induce a giddy high, but calmness and stability….hence the reason why people stay married.  This chemical is addictive so the longer a couple stays married, the longer two people stay together.  It is endorphins that trigger grief on a spouse’s death or long separation, those yearnings for togetherness.  Adrenaline love is being in love with the idea of being in love.  With endorphin love, we like loving someone. 

There are foods that can intensify love…..

We eat aphrodisiacs (named after the Greek Goddess of Love – Aphrodite) to enhance love:  chocolate, oysters, turtle eggs eaten raw with salt and lime (haven’t tried this one yet); asparagus, almonds, avocado, bananas, basil, figs, garlic and honey.  It was suggested by a very “special man” in my life – “Why not prepare a dinner to include each of these foods?”

Now that we know about the chemicals and foods involved in the “love” process:

What is it about love and the longing to have it in our lives?

There are so many dating sites to meet the “ONE” but yet we are lonelier and lonelier as a society.  Here are a few statistics from Match.com:  People over age 50 makes up Match.com’s fastest growing segment of users, with a 300% increase since 2000. 

WHAT is that all about?

Is it because our biological clocks of younger years is ticking away and we wake up one day with more wrinkles and the reality that we are not getting any younger and no one to share our golden years with…..

I WANT A PARTNER/MATE NOW SYNDROME?

 75% of women and 81% of men in their 50s experience a serious, exclusive relationship after a divorce.  (this to me is great news)

There really are a lot of fish in the sea:  According to the Census Bureau, 29% of adults age 45-59 are now single, compared with only 19% in 1980. 

I listen to so many single women and I hear, “Where are the men?” I listen to so many single men and they say, “Where are the women?”  They must “NOT” be out there since I’m hearing the same thing from both sexes; or are they and the real reason we haven’t found the ONE for us is because we have been so busy in dating so many men and men women, that it’s been a distraction in truly discovering ourselves out and working on US?  I read in Don Miguel Ruiz book, The Mastery of Love that we must be 100% complete in ourselves in order to attract that perfect one for you.   Once you accept yourself just the way you are, the next step is to accept your partner.

It makes sense to me, does it you?

If you have the eyes of love, you just see love wherever you are, even in the imperfect – Wabi Sabi.  When you perceive with the eyes of love, you can connect your will with the will of another dreamer, and the dream becomes ONE.  Then you can see with the eyes of an eagle or transform into any kind of life.  With your love you connect with the eagle and you become the wings.  But to do this, you need to clean the mind of fear and perceive with the eyes of love.  If you can open your heart completely to your partner, you can reach heaven through your love.

When we fulfill the needs of our mind and our body, our eyes see with love.  We see God everywhere.  I love what Don Miguel Ruiz says, “But when we know that our heart is a magical kitchen, we are always generous, and our love is completely unconditional.”  I love the anology of our heart being a magical kitchen…..

I believe we have this “Jerry McGuire” notion of love in the famous line from the movie where Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger , “You complete me.”  Are you kidding me – why did they not edit that line from the movie?  Hey, it’s Hollywood and they can say anything to make us say, “AWWWWWHHHHHH – why doesn’t anyone say that to me????”  So we look for someone that can say to us, “You complete me.”  I believe a better term may be – “You compliment me.”……. It truly is a beautiful gift to us when we compliment and not complete.  I much rather use the term from the movie, “As Good As It Gets” where Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt, “you make me want to be a better man.”

Once we awaken to self and clean up our houses (our temples -mind and body), then the awakening is like being at a party where there are hundreds of people and everyone is drunk except you.  You are the only sober person at the party.  Most humans see the world through their emotional wounds, through their emotional poison.  Here lies the problem of not being awake and aware.

When in the awakened state, your heart is an expression of the Spirit, an expression of Love, an expression of Life.  It’s being aware that you are Life.  When you are aware that you are the force that is Life, anything is possible.  Miracles happen all the time, because those miracles are performed by the heart.  The heart is in communion with the human soul, and when the heart speaks even with the resistance of the mind, something inside you changes; your heart opens another heart, and TRUE LOVE is possible.  It’s in opening another’s heart there lies the chemicals, the passion, the Love that we are ALL either trying to find or keep.

My girlfriend Giovanna stated it so eloquently to me this past week, “almost all relationships start with what can I “get” from it rather then what can I “bring” to it; I believe that we have to be selfless and selfishness abounds us these days….the other part is to choose wisely.  We tend to choose what is familiar to us whether it feels good or not because it is what we know…we change it by our thoughts about ourselves, our actions and constant vigilance of those thoughts…..BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

WE MUST FEEL WORTHY OF LOVE FOR LOVE TO COME…..

Love enables you to stand for yourself in an honorable and gracious way; with no hidden agendas; with no room for negativity.  In its purest form – UNCONDITIONAL!  My friend Jimmy has a website Life Architects and stated it this way on my guest blogger Angie’s comments on, “Only Time Can Reveal If It’s Real“:  “true love is attached to us with invisible ties. These ties connect our spirits and souls that only we can understand.”

For the MAGIC of love and the volumes written and sung about it; it continues to afflict us generation after generation.

So the bottom line in all this LOVE talk is we are put on this earth to experience LOVE in its purest form – to get closer to our GOD for HIS love is unconditional – and in so doing we discover that HE is LOVE, LIGHT and TRUTH – all the things that we search for in a lifetime are all wrapped up in our Divine.  We crave all these things in human form – so it is in acquiring the eyes of GOD and having your eyes fixed on HIM, then this should make the love process easier to find and keep, for love never fails…..  

Where there is GREAT LOVE, there are GREAT MIRACLES…..

L’amore vince tutto (Love conquers all)…. (Italian)

I invite you to share your thoughts on this?

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

inspiration, love encouargement, inspiration, love, motivation, Self love

Bio:  Angie Nichols

Angie is the author of the blog “My Walk With God“. At 41 Angie is a single, divorced mother of 3 children ranging in ages from 23 to 18. Having survived addiction, divorce, abuse, depression and sin, she finds her strength by walking with God. She is a programmer/analyst and enjoys photography both as a side profession and as a hobby/release. Her current passion is a photography collection she calls “How Great Thou Art“. She also enjoys bonding with her kids, reading, traveling, exploring, gardening, and anything outdoors. The youngest of 8 siblings, she was a high school drop-out, yet now holds 4 degrees. Check out more about her walk with God at: angnic.wordpress.com

Well. I slept like crap. Stayed in bed as long as my body would endure, then I fixed me a cup of coffee and settled in front of the fire pit for an afternoon fire. (Who says bonfires are just for night time, right?) I’m out there amiss the colorful blanket of leaves sipping my joe, letting the heat of the sun warm my body and the flames entertain my mind. I’m having an urge to write; thus, here I am.

Richard Bach, famous author of ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’, once wrote, “If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.” I don’t think he meant to say that love never existed, rather that the love was never meant to be ours forever. There are so many flavors of love. How many of us have ever truly let love go? And I mean when it utterly hurts to your core to let it go. And why do we tend to get mad if someone takes their love away, then blame and point fingers and cry pain-filled tears? I know it hurts, but would you really want to be with someone only because it is expected of them? Tears can be a product of love, but not a factor. Trust me, I know firsthand that love can be so painful at times causing deep, sincere tears, but tears cannot, and should not, make someone love you. No one owes you love; love satisfies no debt if it is not genuine. Love must come freely, on its own. Coerced love only delays the inevitable. Sadly, this world has become so self-centered, it’s pathetic. We’ve gotten lost in the definition of love and in turn have made love something we expect and hold onto out of desperation or give out of guilt. The sad reality is, in desperation, we rarely have any true form of love, and ironically, we choke out any chance for true love to ever develop in the process.

I think Bach meant to reveal the true nature of love: a freeing force, rather than an imprisoning one. If you love someone, you will honor and respect the potential and the highest good for that person…even if that means not being a part of that good…even if that means stepping away to allow time to reveal what kind of love is being felt. If in honoring another’s potential, they return your love following their natural path, their love for you is true. This is the kind of love that endures and thrives, and believe it or not, grows. If it is not returned, it never was. And why would you want that anyway?

There is a gray area when letting go. Often no one sees the turmoil that goes on inside. A smile disguises the pain on the outside, but inside, it is something so personal and so deep…the ache to explore that love coupled with the knowledge that you just can’t allow yourself to show them. Yet, love does not need to be reciprocated. You can love someone from a distance without them loving you back. You can honor and love someone without being an integral part of their life. Man, that is hard, but think of the alternative: you cannot force someone to love you, and why would you want to? You can do this best when you love yourself first, because then you are already whole. Love is meant to compliment, not complete. It is the well from which a whole different set of new and wonderful memories can be drawn together. There is nothing missing inside of you that anyone else can fill. Sure, none of us are perfect. We all have flaws, we all have needs…wants, but doesn’t that make finding a real love that much more important?? None of us are perfect, but each of us is perfect for somebody. Sometimes loving someone from a distance is the best way to express love, allowing time to intercede.

Selfless love only takes one person. Maybe, just maybe, in letting go you actually freed that person to realize their love for someone else…however sad or painful that may be, it is still an expression of love. In real unselfish love, their happiness comes first. That is the hardest form of love to understand, but we must. Even if we do not understand, we must at least accept. Everything happens for a reason even if we never come to fully understand it. And that’s where faith comes in; believing in what we cannot see. For true love to flourish, it must be shared. Letting go is sometimes the first step in discovering what kind of love, if any, exists.

The bible says, “Do not awaken love until it so desires.” ~ Song of Solomon 8:4.  I wonder if this had anything to do with Bach’s analogy. If these awakenings happen during a season when they can’t be righteously fulfilled, they often lead down a path of hurt and regret. Again, all the more reason to let it go and allow time to intercede. I honestly regret nothing because I know how I feel. I respect his honesty, and his situation. I can only hope to meet someone with his qualities again. I do, however, apologize for complicating things and plead with God to forgive me for stepping into something I probably shouldn’t have. Love must be in a position to give as well as receive. Love must be allowed to flow free.

If anything, I am convinced that there is someone extremely special out there for me and I am willing to wait for him whether our paths have already crossed or not. Certain memories will remain on hold until we can enjoy them together…like it is supposed to be. Love, to me, is sacred. Always will be. And for true love, I am willing to surrender to time because only time can truly reveal. Time is the ultimate master and we are all just slaves to it. Time can feel like an enemy and a friend. Time can allow us to heal, or it can allow love to grow. Time never intends to harm. Not knowing the outcome is the hardest part and often why we end up hurt because we want to rush time. Don’t. We may think we have the answers, but until both hearts are free, feelings will get muddled, hearts will get entangled and we will inevitably end up pointing fingers and placing blame. Let time reveal if it is real. If we follow this painful advice now, we will assuredly get our answer. And in the event love returns, and stays, we can rest knowing we will never have to let go of it again. We will only need to nurture it, express it, share it and hold it as the most valuable possession on earth. Just like it’s supposed to be.

Angie Nichols insight, love, Self love

Hello Friends – The GREAT news is that for the first time in two years Jonathan Griffin will be the first “guyfriend” post besides our beloved “Monogamy Doctor” Peter Kane…..I came across Jonathan’s inspiring post on Facebook and I was quite inspired by his dedication, responsibility and accountability to himself that I messaged him to write a post for MakeGirlfriends.com…..his story is inspirational and motivational full of compassion and forgiveness…..sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!

http://vimeo.com/26692072 (A MUST SEE VIDEO – AMAZING)…..

It’s a quarter past midnight as I sit down to write.  Just got back from the gym a little bit ago. What a week it’s been! My mind has been processing everything that has happened. The news of being awarded Transformation Champion is slowing sinking in.

Having made so many attempts to get healthy over the years, I knew true change needed to come from within. I knew a “lifestyle” change was required. But more than just changing habits, I needed to change core beliefs.  Limiting beliefs about myself.  My perception of myself; of others.  I needed to transform from the inside out.

The past several years had taken it’s toll on my health and mindset. My existence felt like a foggy haze. I didn’t feel truly connected. It was like I was living from behind a glass. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was fed up! I wanted to truly live again. I wanted to live “in the moment” and really be there for my family and friends. With a bit of anxiety, fear, doubt, and a whole lot of determination, I set out to change. To transform. I wasn’t exactly sure how but I was certain I would do it. I went full speed ahead.

So on January 11, 2011, I set out on this journey of transformation. I embraced Bill’s 18 Steps like they were my life support. In a lot of ways they actually were. The lifestyle I was living was a quick path to major health problems. At 35 years old, I didn’t want to wind up dead of a heart attack, stroke, or acquire some other life threatening ailment.

I worked through each step and learned so much about myself. I overcame those limiting beliefs. I got rid of those crazy monkey traps. I made slow, steady changes. I learned to forgive others. I learned to forgive myself. I began taking responsibility for my situation. I realized it was up to me, and noone else, to change. I stopped making excuses. I started making conscious daily decisions.

Today I feel like a whole new person. I have more energy than I have had in many years. I am more engaged with my kids. Getting outside and playing soccer with the girls, going to the park, these things are now fun! I just completed my 2nd 5K last Saturday. I would have never imagined doing any of this 9 months ago.

I’m 2/3 of the way to my goal weight. I’m so excited about the life ahead. Living healthy; being strong – what an amazing way to live. I have new focus. I have so much more determination. I spent the last 15 years losing myself. In 2011 I’m finding myself again. It feels so good!

I realize with that to whom much is given, of him much will be required. I am so humbled and honored to be awarded Transformation Champion. My desire is to take what I have learned and pay it forward. I want to help and inspire others by my example. Through this journey I have overcome adversity, experienced healing for past hurts, and truly transformed from the inside out. I want others to know that if I can do it, so can they!!!

Jonathan

Important Transformation.com Steps Blogs:

 Lifetime Intentions

The Big Forgive

Quick Bio:

Computer programmer for past 12 years.

Married with 3 children (2 girls, 1 baby boy).

B.A. in Accounting. Studied music first year.

Have home recording studio.

Play guitar, piano, drums, and sing. Write songs too.

Involved in music ministry and youth ministry at church.

Jonathan Griffin awakening, Challenges, change, courage, encouargement, inspiration, motivation, Self love, transformation, weight loss

Learning to derive power from taking responsibility for your life, while refusing to take responsibility for someone else’s

by Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

          “Who is responsible for this?”  The answers to the question will vary, and most certainly reflect our relationship with ourselves and others.  Some jump quickly to stoically answer, “Me, me!  I take full responsibility.”  Others may respond in a bit more slowly with, “No way.  I am certainly not responsible for THAT!”  Either way, how we decide what we are responsible for completely shapes our relationships, our work, family, and feelings about ourselves. 

We are going to simplify what seems to be a pretty complex topic!  It doesn’t have to be so messy!  So let’s clean it up!  First, ladies, I want you to set the intention right now that you are going to commit to having a healthy relationship with RESPONSIBILITY. 

Here is how it is done…..

STEP 1.  I,__________, commit to taking responsibility for my life, my emotions, thoughts, and actions.  

STEP 2.  I accept that I have control over my life and how I react to what’s happening in it, at any moment. 

STEP 3. I, ________,  REFUSE to take responsibility for anyone else’s feelings, thoughts, actions, or inactions.  WOW!  That’s powerful!!!  Now, we have a pretty solid starting off point!  The basics of responsibility are that we own our own thoughts and feelings, and how they shape our life, but we do not extend that responsibility to others. 

There are two extremes to watch out for…..  

1.  You never take responsibility for anything.   If this is the case, you are giving away the power you have to change your life for the better.  You are also living life hoping, more than acting.  You may feel powerless and angry that things are not going your way, but have not realized that YOU have the power to turn things around.  Start by learning about the “law of attraction”, then commit to a few mantras to increase your personal power.  You might try; “I embrace my personal power, good things are coming to me, and I intentionally follow my bliss now.  I am responsible for my own happiness and I choose happiness now.” 

2.  You take responsibility for everything and everyone.  If this is the case, your intentions may be good, but you most likely feel energetically depleted.  You may be giving off the impression that you can do it all, while feeling tired and resentful!  The first thing to do to correct this is to set the intention to STOP taking responsibility for everything and everyone.  You may then want to explore a bit about why you do this.  Get out a piece of paper and write down, “I SHOULD…”, then fill in everything that comes to mind.  Now write down “I WANT…,” and fill in everything.   Look at the different lists.  Ask yourself where all those shoulds come from?  Do you secretly feel not worthy of your wants?  Do you feel not deserving of them?  Are you feeling like you have to help everyone or else no one will?  Really sit with all the things that come up for you. 

Now, try this concept on for size; everyone is here on a journey to work out the things they need to work out.  If you take away their responsibility, you are taking away the gift that will surely come with learning that lesson.  Try these mantras; “I now release that situation completely with love.  Everyone is responsible for themselves equally.  We all make our own happiness and unhappiness.  I now take responsibility for myself, and detach from all others.  I live in bliss and attract limitless joy.”

As you examine your relationship with responsibility, be patient with yourself.  Developing a beautiful relationship takes time and nurturing.  The issue of responsibility can be a deep one, so if you feel so compelled to explore it further, sit down with a counselor and see what comes out!  I know I am biased, but I think it is such a cool and amazing process!  You will be amazed at the wonderful and interesting things you learn about yourself.  Choose to see yourself and all that you learn through clear and compassionate eyes.

Wishing you all the love, joy, and abundance in the world!

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt

http://healingplacecounseling.com/

Erin Williams change, encouargement, insight, inspiration, Self love

by Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD

….And put yourself behind the glass with the other valuables! Often times we get confused about what being “strong and independent women” means. We think that we have to do everything, be everything, and rely on no one. What typically happens is we end up feeling used and our needs discarded. We put our own needs last trying to be super woman, and are surprised when other people put our needs last too. They are simply following our example and placing us on the discount rack, because we are not taking the time to up our own value. The good news is that this can be quickly remedied! We must first start by honoring our own needs, and valuing our time, emotions, and bodies. The rest of the world will easily follow suit.

You may find yourself falling back into your old habits of neglecting YOU. When this happens, STOP, and simply ask yourself what you need to feel good today. You may even create a list for yourself with some healthy options like nap, healthy snack, exercise, massage, talk to a friend, therapy appointment, yoga, date, etc. It may sound silly, but if you are not accustomed to taking excellent care of yourself, you may need a few options to pick from. Sooner than later, you will get soooo good at taking care of yourself that this process will happen automatically in your head, and you-won’t-need-no stinking-list!

When you take the time to up your value, sit back and watch the world admire you. Watch as doors open for you, help magically appears, and you are feeling good, respected, and appreciated the entire time. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” smart lady, that Eleanor.

Wishing you an abundance of Joy this week,

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD, CHt
www.healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams awakening, encouargement, insight, inspiration, Self love

Hello Girlfriends – I first heard about Wabi Sabi love on a Soulmate Summit email that I received from Arielle Ford.  Arielle Ford wrote a book entitled, Wabi Sabi Love.  The term Wabi Sabi means finding perfection and beauty in imperfection.  The answer to the universal dilemma and struggle of living and ultimately loving another person!  Finding beauty and grace in things modest, humble, and unconventional.  Wabi Sabi holds the key to everlasting love.  From an engineering or design point of view, “wabi” may be interpreted as the imperfect quality of any object, due to inevitable limitations in design and construction/manufacture especially with respect to unpredictable or changing usage conditions.

So I ask the question, “How many of us live in Wabi Sabi?  How much more beautiful would this world be if we made a choice to live in a Wabi Sabi sort of way?  Are we not on a path of finding everlasting love?  Isn’t this our true calling in life?

Wabi Sabi is equated to a piece of pottery from the engineering or design point of view.  It’s the imperfect that brings out the beauty in a piece of clay.  As we are being formed and shaped in our lives and we go through bumps and bruises along the way, isn’t it the imperfect beings that we truly are that brings out the perfect over time through love and more love.  Refining ourselves in such a way that the imperfections are truly perfections!

Mother Teresa comes to mind as I write of this type of love.  She found the beauty and grace in humans that were modest, humble and unconventional.  She is a perfect example of everlasting love!  Now Mother Teresa is an exceptional example, and I venture to say that most of us probably never met her, but we have heard countless stories of her love. 

Can you think of people that you have encountered during your life that love in this manner?

As we go through life we encounter people everyday – it’s so easy to make quick judgments, to find something wrong with that person.  I truly believe that to love with the eyes of a child is Wabi Sabi.  They have no expectations – they live in a world of surprises and they are masters in living in the moment. 

It’s wiser not to expect but to hope, for in expecting you ask for disappointment, whereas in hoping you invite surprise.

To find beauty in the imperfect in life I feel is easily said, but hard to do.  Our experiences, our beliefs, our pains, our pasts all play into this.

So how do we begin focusing to see the perfect in the imperfect?  One word –

L O V E

When our hearts and minds are in alignment to our Source, our Divine, our GOD – then we can experience this type of Wabi Sabi love. 

It’s living in the space of peace and love which brings joy and happiness.

Now it’s unrealistic to think we can love all people and all things.  Afterall, we are not SAINTS. 

Can we  judge less and see more through the eyes of a child? 

Can we train ourselves in seeing the perfect in the imperfect? 

When we meet new people, how about seeing one or two things that you like about them instead of the litany of things you don’t like about them?

It truly is a beautiful world and at times when it doesn’t seem so beautiful, can you at least find Wabi Sabi love out of your everyday life?  You will be surprised by how your thoughts will change by seeing life through the eyes of this type of love.  How about allowing Wabi Sabi to start with ourselves.  Start to see the perfect and beauty in our own imperfection. 

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about this type of love?

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

love love, Self love, Wabi Sabi Love

She is sooo important to all of us…

Dear YOU,

            Please take excellent care of yourself.  You were given this one body and person to care for in this lifetime.  Take a moment and look at her in the mirror.  This woman staring back at you is responsible for so many other human beings on this planet.  She affects so many different people.  She cares for their physical, mental, and emotional needs.  It is absolutely essential that you take care of HER.  Please make sure that her needs are getting met.  Please make sure that she is safe, happy, and healthy.  Please ensure that she is getting enough rest and nurturance.  This woman staring back at you is such a valuable part of our society that we now plead to you to hold the absolute highest standards for her.  Place her behind the glass where the valuables are.  Shower her with love, affection, and ensure she is surrounded by people that have the highest and best intentions for her.  She is simply too important to us all for anything beneath this standard of care.

I thank you for your cooperation in this effort to care for her. 

Most Sincerely,

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD

http://www.healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams encouargement, insight, motivation, Self love, taking care of you

by Peter Kane

One of the more abstract themes of my work and my book is Self-Soothing. Regardless of our issues, or the kind of relationships we are working with, becoming better at self-soothing is a critical part of healing and creating success. Self-soothing is abstract because we are all different and therefore how we comfort ourselves on an inner level will differ. It is also hard to define for the same reasons we need it so much: We typically don’t self-soothe, it has not been taught to us or modeled by our parents or friends, and we typically seek love and comfort outside ourselves. Our relationship problems stem in part from seeking connection outside ourselves, in people, things and substances, and then we exacerbate things by trying to resolve feeling by seeking external comfort. The cycle of not caring for and resolving our feelings continues.

It is hard to tell you what self-soothing is because it is not Peter-soothing. But I can send you in a general direction. My book has 15 references to self-soothing, and the notion is included throughout. It is part of how I address topics from healing loss and anxiety, developing a strong inner parent, to healing addiction and embracing your inner sexual self. Self-soothing is about being in contact with yourself. Self-soothing can include self-care and things like: napping, bathing, meditating, exercising, walking, and eating well. It also includes developing an inner voice that is a nurturing inner parent and resolving the toxicity of the inner critic.

I most recently was thinking about this and planning this blog as a result of my now yearly solo-backpacking trip. Taking a solo-backpacking trip of over 50 miles for 3-5 days has become the only requirement of my summers. It is not a requirement because the desire comes naturally for me. It is one way I have challenged myself to learn how to be with myself. I am a people person, a nurturer of others, a father, a talkative Gemini, a pleaser, a pack animal and more. My work has always included the notion that we all need to learn how to be alone and this is an aspect of self-soothing, perhaps especially for me.

So, I hike into the wilderness alone. When I first did this I felt pretty unsettled and nearly anxious the first day of my trips. Then, I would settle into myself and have some pretty deep experiences. It is like a walking meditation for me. I don’t think much. My focus is on my steps, what I am seeing, if I need to eat or drink, and taking photos. I am present with the physical environment and my physical self. Thus, I go into deeper contact with myself and into a more self-soothing space. It is important to note that if I were a socially avoidant reclusive person, self-soothing would likely involve going further into meeting with and talking to people and then learning to calm any anxieties I felt.

Self-soothing is about being nice to yourself. But a bigger aspect is how do you get into a deeper, more caring, intimate space with yourself? How do you hold your hand? And how are your holding your hand as your navigate the specific challenges your are faced with right now? Please respond and share with each other, as you do, you will help each other find both the energy or emotional quality of self-soothing and how to connect with it.

I think this a pretty challenging time, more so than recent decades. Perhaps the only real requirement for improved living right now is to hold on for the ride.

To holding our own hand in life,
Peter
http://www.peterkane.org

Peter Kane Self love, self soothing, taking care of self