Hello Girlfriends – I first heard about Wabi Sabi love on a Soulmate Summit email that I received from Arielle Ford.  Arielle Ford wrote a book entitled, Wabi Sabi Love.  The term Wabi Sabi means finding perfection and beauty in imperfection.  The answer to the universal dilemma and struggle of living and ultimately loving another person!  Finding beauty and grace in things modest, humble, and unconventional.  Wabi Sabi holds the key to everlasting love.  From an engineering or design point of view, “wabi” may be interpreted as the imperfect quality of any object, due to inevitable limitations in design and construction/manufacture especially with respect to unpredictable or changing usage conditions.

So I ask the question, “How many of us live in Wabi Sabi?  How much more beautiful would this world be if we made a choice to live in a Wabi Sabi sort of way?  Are we not on a path of finding everlasting love?  Isn’t this our true calling in life?

Wabi Sabi is equated to a piece of pottery from the engineering or design point of view.  It’s the imperfect that brings out the beauty in a piece of clay.  As we are being formed and shaped in our lives and we go through bumps and bruises along the way, isn’t it the imperfect beings that we truly are that brings out the perfect over time through love and more love.  Refining ourselves in such a way that the imperfections are truly perfections!

Mother Teresa comes to mind as I write of this type of love.  She found the beauty and grace in humans that were modest, humble and unconventional.  She is a perfect example of everlasting love!  Now Mother Teresa is an exceptional example, and I venture to say that most of us probably never met her, but we have heard countless stories of her love. 

Can you think of people that you have encountered during your life that love in this manner?

As we go through life we encounter people everyday – it’s so easy to make quick judgments, to find something wrong with that person.  I truly believe that to love with the eyes of a child is Wabi Sabi.  They have no expectations – they live in a world of surprises and they are masters in living in the moment. 

It’s wiser not to expect but to hope, for in expecting you ask for disappointment, whereas in hoping you invite surprise.

To find beauty in the imperfect in life I feel is easily said, but hard to do.  Our experiences, our beliefs, our pains, our pasts all play into this.

So how do we begin focusing to see the perfect in the imperfect?  One word –

L O V E

When our hearts and minds are in alignment to our Source, our Divine, our GOD – then we can experience this type of Wabi Sabi love. 

It’s living in the space of peace and love which brings joy and happiness.

Now it’s unrealistic to think we can love all people and all things.  Afterall, we are not SAINTS. 

Can we  judge less and see more through the eyes of a child? 

Can we train ourselves in seeing the perfect in the imperfect? 

When we meet new people, how about seeing one or two things that you like about them instead of the litany of things you don’t like about them?

It truly is a beautiful world and at times when it doesn’t seem so beautiful, can you at least find Wabi Sabi love out of your everyday life?  You will be surprised by how your thoughts will change by seeing life through the eyes of this type of love.  How about allowing Wabi Sabi to start with ourselves.  Start to see the perfect and beauty in our own imperfection. 

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about this type of love?

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite you!

love love, Self love, Wabi Sabi Love

She is sooo important to all of us…

Dear YOU,

            Please take excellent care of yourself.  You were given this one body and person to care for in this lifetime.  Take a moment and look at her in the mirror.  This woman staring back at you is responsible for so many other human beings on this planet.  She affects so many different people.  She cares for their physical, mental, and emotional needs.  It is absolutely essential that you take care of HER.  Please make sure that her needs are getting met.  Please make sure that she is safe, happy, and healthy.  Please ensure that she is getting enough rest and nurturance.  This woman staring back at you is such a valuable part of our society that we now plead to you to hold the absolute highest standards for her.  Place her behind the glass where the valuables are.  Shower her with love, affection, and ensure she is surrounded by people that have the highest and best intentions for her.  She is simply too important to us all for anything beneath this standard of care.

I thank you for your cooperation in this effort to care for her. 

Most Sincerely,

Erin Williams, LMSW, BCD

http://www.healingplacecounseling.com

Erin Williams encouargement, insight, motivation, Self love, taking care of you

by Peter Kane

One of the more abstract themes of my work and my book is Self-Soothing. Regardless of our issues, or the kind of relationships we are working with, becoming better at self-soothing is a critical part of healing and creating success. Self-soothing is abstract because we are all different and therefore how we comfort ourselves on an inner level will differ. It is also hard to define for the same reasons we need it so much: We typically don’t self-soothe, it has not been taught to us or modeled by our parents or friends, and we typically seek love and comfort outside ourselves. Our relationship problems stem in part from seeking connection outside ourselves, in people, things and substances, and then we exacerbate things by trying to resolve feeling by seeking external comfort. The cycle of not caring for and resolving our feelings continues.

It is hard to tell you what self-soothing is because it is not Peter-soothing. But I can send you in a general direction. My book has 15 references to self-soothing, and the notion is included throughout. It is part of how I address topics from healing loss and anxiety, developing a strong inner parent, to healing addiction and embracing your inner sexual self. Self-soothing is about being in contact with yourself. Self-soothing can include self-care and things like: napping, bathing, meditating, exercising, walking, and eating well. It also includes developing an inner voice that is a nurturing inner parent and resolving the toxicity of the inner critic.

I most recently was thinking about this and planning this blog as a result of my now yearly solo-backpacking trip. Taking a solo-backpacking trip of over 50 miles for 3-5 days has become the only requirement of my summers. It is not a requirement because the desire comes naturally for me. It is one way I have challenged myself to learn how to be with myself. I am a people person, a nurturer of others, a father, a talkative Gemini, a pleaser, a pack animal and more. My work has always included the notion that we all need to learn how to be alone and this is an aspect of self-soothing, perhaps especially for me.

So, I hike into the wilderness alone. When I first did this I felt pretty unsettled and nearly anxious the first day of my trips. Then, I would settle into myself and have some pretty deep experiences. It is like a walking meditation for me. I don’t think much. My focus is on my steps, what I am seeing, if I need to eat or drink, and taking photos. I am present with the physical environment and my physical self. Thus, I go into deeper contact with myself and into a more self-soothing space. It is important to note that if I were a socially avoidant reclusive person, self-soothing would likely involve going further into meeting with and talking to people and then learning to calm any anxieties I felt.

Self-soothing is about being nice to yourself. But a bigger aspect is how do you get into a deeper, more caring, intimate space with yourself? How do you hold your hand? And how are your holding your hand as your navigate the specific challenges your are faced with right now? Please respond and share with each other, as you do, you will help each other find both the energy or emotional quality of self-soothing and how to connect with it.

I think this a pretty challenging time, more so than recent decades. Perhaps the only real requirement for improved living right now is to hold on for the ride.

To holding our own hand in life,
Peter
http://www.peterkane.org

Peter Kane Self love, self soothing, taking care of self

Hello Girlfriends – Virginia Woolf stated, “Arrange whatever pieces come your way, and make it work for you.”

I was talking to one of my favorite girlfriends in California on Saturday night about emotions, feelings, life happenings. We all go through trials, challenges, joys, happiness, pain and tears in the course of our lives. We mentioned how we all are broken pieces. Our hearts get wounded not once, but over and over again. The wounds are like broken pieces. 
 
I looked at my friend as we talked about our spirits resembling broken pieces, and I came up with this analogy; the broken pieces are our life mosaic. We take all of the broken/wounded pieces, and we put them together gently, and we make a beautiful mosaic. I love the way a mosaic looks with every piece exactly where it belongs. We must not fall apart when challenges come our way, but instead we gather up our thoughts, our emotions and glue them gently back together, and in so doing, we create even a more beautiful tapestry! One that is stronger and more vibrant. 
 
By changing our attitudes - the way we think and focus on the positive instead of the negative, we are on our way to changing our perspective and taking the broken pieces and making something incredible!
 
What I find happens is that we fall victim to circumstance. We have a hard time with a situation in life, we allow depression, anxiety to set in, and like an evil monster it doesn’t leave. We so want it to leave, but we live in darkness for so long that we forget the resources that we may have, and don’t see the ray of light on the horizon. We spiral into the dark abyss and forget that there are other ways of thinking that are more functional, more positive. They actually will get you out of the dark tunnel if practiced and reminded daily. We make things so hard, but surely they don’t have to be that way. Remember what I said in the beginning of this post, we are intended to be beautiful mosaics. We must honor ourselves in such a way that we truly believe we are!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

encouragement, inspiration, motivation healing, inspiration, motivation, positive thinking, Self love