It occurred to me as I was rushing this morning at 7 am to my BFF’s house, to provide emotional support for her during a heated financial “discussion” with her ex-husband, all the things we just “do” when asked. We cancel appointments;  take time off of work; slip into small, mirrored, badly lit dressing rooms to give honest critiques; loan our best clothes; tell the truth -  no matter what.

 When called upon we “just do it”, even when we don’t want to, because that’s just what women do for women.  We lie, fabricate, pretend, tread where other do not dare. We become warriors for each other – warning others “not to go there.” We share yucky secrets  (the one’s we can barely put into words), like that one-night stand we’ d really rather forget. We hold each other’s hands during scary biopsies, and sit for hours in divorce courts. We drive to colonoscopies, plastic surgeons, pediatricians, ex mother in laws — but mostly, we listen. We learn to recognize the small shifts in each other’s voices that tell us it’s time for a lunch or a drink or a long phone conversation, even if it’s the same conversation we’ve been having for years. We simply LISTEN – and we never, ever bring it up again, no matter what. We tell each other the hard stuff like “you’re drinking too much,” “you need to lose a few pounds,” “take my hair appointment, you need a trim,” “I ran into your boyfriend where he shouldn’t have been.”

 And we love each other fiercely, instinctively and often longer than many marriages.

 LONG LIVE GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!

BIO:  

Patti Hawn is author of GOOD GIRLS DON’T a deeply personal first-hand account of what it was like to be trapped in an unwanted pregnancy at the close of an era where home economics took precedence over sex education. I gave up my child for adoption —-found him 40 years later…but this is where the typical adoption story begins…and ends. My book is available on Amazon and www.goodgirlsdontbook.com.

Patti Hawn Patti Hawn has worked on over thirty major motion pictures including some of the most acclaimed films of the last decade.  Her credits include Ghost, Glory, Overboard, and most recently, August Rush and Bride Wars.

Patti makes her debut literary effort with her memoir, GOOD GIRLS DON’T, that tells the story of the last generation of young women to experience life on the eve of the sexual revolution of the sixties and the passing of legislation legalizing abortion. It is a unique time in history, foreign to an entire generation of women, that resulted in an incredible number of reunions between birth parents and their children — 20, 30 and 40 years after.

Patti is the sister of the acclaimed actress Goldie Hawn. She resides in Manhattan Beach, California with her husband and travels to India, Nepal and Thailand where she works in humanitarian efforts.

Patti Hawn friendships, Girlfriends, help, inspiration, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends – Today I wish to talk about a topic that was instrumental to me in developing MakeGirlfriends.com, and one that is creating much debate among all age groups. 

Cyber friendships compared to Traditional friendships. 

The difference of opinion goes like this, and please understand that I am talking generalities here as there are extremes in every case:  the “older” generations hold the belief that the world is becoming far too technical, mobile, cyber centered, and that we are losing critical interpersonal skills in the process; the “younger” generations feel that cyber networking is the normal way to develop relationships, and that the “old folks” just don’t get it. 

Well, as always, I have my own opinion on this matter, and it falls somewhere in the middle.

The inevitable and onward march of technology has no opinion in the matter, for it is only a tool for us to use as we see fit.  Modern technology has given us the ability to communicate, and make “friends” with others on a global basis. Facebook, Twitter, Instant Messaging, Email, and Text Messaging have all made it possible to have “friends” that we never meet, and will in all likelihood never meet, face to face.   I’ve seen people on Facebook who have over a four thousand friends. 

I ask myself is that realistic? 

The easy answer is to say of course not, nobody can possibly have that many friends, but when I ponder it deeper I come up with a plethora of different answers.  Maybe the definition of “friend” needs to be updated.  Maybe we can have thousands of friends in this new cyber world.  Perhaps face to face interaction is no longer necessary for a friendship to develop.  Maybe we are better off communicating with each other via our computers and phones rather than look someone in the eye and actually talk to them.  All of these wonderful leaps in technology have given us the ability to communicate with everyone and by doing so we get a sense of self importance. 

We update our various “profiles” with the latest, greatest things that are happening in our lives, we let everyone know what music we are listening to, what our mood is, where we are going and where we have been, BUT, does anyone really care?  Do all of our cyber friends have any real desire to know that we are listening to Katie Perry, that we are feeling melancholy, going hiking this afternoon, and had a bad experience at the grocery store last night?  Probably not, but by announcing all these things to our multitude of friends we get the sensation that people out there really care.  We give them a thumbs up, post witty things to their wall, punch them back, wink at them, and the list goes on and on.  How many of these people care enough about us to be a real friend? 

When life becomes tough are they there to watch us cry, listen with a compassionate heart, and give us a sincere hug as our tears flow?  Only a real friend can do this, someone that we have a real life relationship with, a person that has intimate knowledge of “us”, and not simply the cyber face that we present to the world.  These friends see us in action and are the impartial judges of whether our actions match our words.  They are the ones who might know the cyber us, but you better believe that they know the “the real us”, and hold us accountable for both personas. 

Perhaps the whole debate can be summed up by saying that we have multiple different friendships. 

Our cyber communities allow us to reach out, share information, become involved in  lively debates, and form friendships that are limited to how we portray ourselves via words; our cyber face.  Our face to face friends allow us to use our interpersonal skills to interact with one another on a person and intimate level to build true and lasting relationships.  These friends see us for who we really are and they hold us accountable to our impeccable word by watching our actions.  Technology provides us with the mechanism to locate those who we share similar interests with, but in order to forge true and lasting friendships there is still no replacement for looking someone in the eye when talking to them, and using our intuition to determine if that person has what it takes to be our “friend”.  

My hope is that MakeGirlfriends.com provides each of you with another tool that can be used to meet those who you can develop real world friendships with.

“Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!”

Friends, Girlfriends, inspiration friendships, girlfriend relationships, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends – Today is the FIRST Anniversary of the launch of MakeGirlfriends.com.  I can tell you that I’ve been on an adventure in the last year collecting many stories and friends along the way.  Stories that have inspired me and friends that have added sunshine into my life.  

I write this as I board a plane from Dallas to San Francisco where I plan to spend 4 glorious days with my “girlfriends” in Sausalito, California.  They are Isabella, Jovanna, Joyce, Mel and Lisa.  These are the women that inspired me to create my website.  These are the women that were there for me when I was going through a difficult time in my life 2 years ago.  These are my balcony friends.  I knew that I could rely on each one, and they know that I’m always there for them. 

I decided on a whim to make the cross country trip to go see them.  In 2 days I had the trip booked and ready to go; I was talking to my girlfriend Isabella on a Tuesday morning and she stated that she was having a party for the “girls” on Friday that same week and I immediately stated, “Not without me!”  Sometimes in life the spontaneous trips turn out to be the BEST trips. 

“Spontaneity without receptivity is empty.  Receptivity without spontaneity is blind.” –Kant 

No thought just all gut instinct – the instinct that I missed them and wanted to be there and I knew it was the right thing to do.  It had been 9 months since our last visit. 

When we have girlfriends – either near or far, we should consider ourselves very fortunate and extremely blessed. 

Some of the women I speak to once a week, others twice a month and others we don’t keep in touch, but when we see each other,  it’s like there has been no distance between us. 

I have a friend in Chicago like this – Corinne Edwards – I met her once during my “staycation” in Chicago.  We hit it off and now we communicate occasionally via phone or email.  My other friend that I stay in touch with is Cheryl in Houston – met her while in California.  Your girlfriends are the ones that will be there for you.  Men come in and out of our lives (well they have in my life), but a girlfriend will always be there for you. 

They will be your sounding board; they will uplift you, encourage and inspire you.  They will listen to your pains, your joys and have your best interest always in mind.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.  Anais Nin

Every girlfriend is a gift and I don’t take them for granted; each one so different but yet each one so special to me.

I want to thank each one of you that read and follow my blog – I appreciate your loyalty!  To each one of you, I am in total gratitude!  I look forward to the many anniversaries that will follow this one…. 

I must not exclude our facebook girlfriends.  They are the ones that read our posts – are loyal in following our blogs and give us words of encouragement.  You know who you are my Facebook girlfriends.

What girlfriend or girlfriends did you want to mention or honor?  Please leave a comment to honor her…

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us!

Girlfriends, encouragement, inspiration friendships, Girlfriends, inspiration, women friendship

by Kelly Rudolph

Positive women love to have female friends but we also need a detailed list of what we’re looking for just like we do when we’re looking for an ideal significant other.

Drama queens need not apply and whiny victims can keep on walking because what positive women need for friends are other positive women!

Negative women drag us down even when we do our best to “help” them to be happier or more positive. YOU need healthy friends and I dare say you probably need to delete some of your current ones for reasons you know whether you acknowledge them or not.

Would YOU pass your own female friend test?

In order to be a friend to a positive woman, you need to be one already. Otherwise, you will drag them down if you attract them into a friendship at all.

NOTE: Many positive women have evolved from “victim” or “drama queen,” having done a lot of work on themselves. But just like looking for a significant other, we don’t need another “project.” We need a good, intelligent, supportive, friend who we can be intelligent, supportive and good to as well!

Here are some characteristics I have on my female friends list:

1. Understand anger, frustration and pain must be processed instead of glossed over
2. The ability and willingness to call me on my stuff (which helps me grow)
3. Takes responsibility for her life instead of blaming and complaining
4. Lives in daily gratitude
5. Good sense of humor
6. Accountable / Dependable (this comes with taking responsibility for her life)
7. Realizes an effective pity party is only 20 minutes in length
8. Forgives herself and learns lessons from each mistake
9. Takes care of herself – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually
10. Healthy self-esteem and personal boundaries
11. Trusts her gut feelings (intuition)

I know that women are powerful and can create their ideal life and become who they want to become but I also know not all women believe that and even fewer act on it. What I do is assist women to see themselves the way they really are and clarify the steps to become who they can and want to be.

Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts on this topic. I know it can be controversial. I ask you, “Are we really growing forward if we keep going back to where we came from?”

Grow forward with me,
Kelly

BIO:

Kelly Rudolph, creator of PositiveWomenRock.com online community creates a space and provides the tools for women to permanently release the programming that keeps them overworked, underpaid, overwhelmed, and dissatisfied in their relationships. She helps them create excellent communication skills, healthy relationships they desire and the ideal future they deserve! As “Your Personal Safety Trainer” in her company, SURVIVE! Self-Defense LLC (1999 – 2011), Kelly worked with men, women, teens and kids for 12 years and has been a popular TV and radio guest, written over 100 articles and 5 books. She has transformed her own life and is uniquely qualified to guide others on this journey. Visit her blog at www.PositiveWomenBlog.com and sign up for her weekly Positive Woman Tip FREE plus invitations to life-changing, online interviews. Facebook Fan Page www.Facebook.com/PositiveWomenRock.com

Friends, Girlfriends, inspiration, motivation awakening, encouargement, friendships, inspiration, motivation, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends – I wanted to share this with all my girlfriends; it was sent to me this morning from a very dear friend in Sausalito, CA.  My friend Joyce said, “this is why we need girlfriends in our lives.”  Here it is!…..and, Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us ALL!

A thought to share…..

” I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection–the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin–a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings?–rarely.  Women do it all of the time.  We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health.  He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There’s a tendency to think that when we are “exercising” we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged–not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!  So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health!  We are indeed very, very lucky.  Sooooo let’s toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it’s very good for our health.”

Friends, Girlfriends, encouragement, inspiration, motivation appreciation, awakening, encouragment, insight, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends – I have a twitter account @makegirlfriends and every day scheduled at 6 a.m. I state, “Morning make sure you smile to a total stranger today. You never know who you will touch?”

This statement is so very true in life.  I want you to go out, walk in a crowded area and look at people’s faces.  Do they wear a smile or are the majority wearing a frown, a pensive look – anything but a smile?  I must share this story with you.  I was at a Starbucks in Chicago (the one I go to regularly) and I looked at a woman that was sitting there with a friend as I was waiting for my drink and I simply smiled at her.  She smiled back and that was it.  I returned a few days later and saw the same beautiful woman there – her name is La’Vena – I went over to her this time and she stated – thank you for smiling at me – I needed that smile.  A friendship has been formed all because of a simple smile.  We are now facebook friends and distance has taken us away but the memory of a smile keeps us connected. 

How many lives have you touched with a simple smile?  If you have to think hard, then it’s time to go touch a life with your beautiful smile!

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles.  It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.  ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

encouragement, inspiration, motivation, smile encouargement, inspiration, motivation, smile, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends – A bond of a woman is a strong thing and so often jeopardized by men if we allow it….  Many times in life we make incredible friendships while unattached and once we find an attachment then those friendships fizzle out; partly because we want to spend more time with our new relationship and partly because we don’t make the time to be with our girlfriends.  Don’t tell me you spend all your time with this “new” person that you don’t even have coffee time/lunch time or dinner time for your girlfriends?

Why do we feel we must have either a man/woman relationship or a girlfriend/girlfriend relationship – is it either or?  Why can’t we have both?  Sometimes relationships get possessive and controlling.  The idea of I’m in your life and no one else should exist comes to play.  I’m writing from experience here, when I was married, I made no time for girlfriends and used up all my time for my husband.  This is not at all healthy; it’s good to spend some time away from each other.  Well, once the marriage ended, I had no husband and I was fortunate enough to make friends quickly but I had no one from my past to talk to since I didn’t make that a priority and establish those bonds with other women.

We think that this only happens to teenagers – but it actually happens to adults as well.  I’m sure many of you reading this can relate. 

Our girlfriends will be there when the men in our lives are not.  They are the ones that will hold your hand and dry a tear.  I can only think of balance in our lives.  I’m sure there is a way to balance both female and male relationships.  The best practice is to be up front with our significant others and let them know how important your girlfriends in your life are.  Let him know you find it important that you stay connected and continue to do things with them as you pursue your relationship with him.  Sometimes we have to explain that it’s not because we love them less but that we will be better women for them with the help of our friends!  Nonetheless, it’s called communication.

The Beatles had it right with their hit song, “With a Little Help From My Friends.” 

I thank all my girlfriends that were there for me as I went through my hard times – yes, this includes you my dear Sister…….

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

Girlfriends, encouragement, motivation Challenges, Girlfriends, inspiration, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends – A “birth”day – a celebration, a day to be reminded that we are another year older.  A day that is for YOU only – no one else but “you”!  We can share birthday’s with others – I wish I knew the statistics of how many people share your same birthday.  There are people who LOVE their birthday.  There are people who don’t even acknowledge it’s their birthday and there’s the ones in between.  I personally celebrate “Birthday Week.”  I do something special for myself the week before my birthday actually arrives.

In this facebook era, you just look on the right side of your facebook page and you will get a reminder of whose birthday it is – that is – if the person lists their birthday.  So on your special day, ALL your facebook friends make a comment to you about being your birthday.  They acknowledge – YOU! 

There’s nothing like getting an unexpected email or phone call from someone on your special day.  I have a thing about remembering birthdays because I find them special.  I write them on my calendar and either phone or email that person on their “day”.  That person celebrating their birthday feels quite special when an unexpected call comes in.  It’s not the words that people remember, but is surely is how you make a person feel.

Blow Out Those Candles and Make a Wish!

So are you one that loves their birthday or are you one that rather sleep through that day?  Do you make your day special or is it just another day? 

Let me know how you feel about your birthday?

Celebrate YOU – the day of the birth of the UNIQUE YOU!!!!!

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us all!

Girlfriends, encouragement, inspiration, motivation birthday, insight, women friendship

Hi, my name is Joni, 42 years old and originally from New York City.  Born and raised in Brooklyn, NY from Italian parents.  Raised catholic, but consider myself, agnostic today.

I now find myself living in San Francisco, CA.  Moved here after my divorce three years ago to be closer to my sisters and mom who live here now.  I started all over when I was 39. It’s been a rocky road to say the least.  I’m still single and have experienced 3 major broken hearts since my divorce.  I was married for 6 years.

I have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was 14 yrs old.  You can say I have extremely low self esteem.  Since I suffer from the disability, I have never had many close friends and find myself very lonely and isolated most of the time.  One day while I was on Facebook, I stumbled upon Nancy’s site www.makegirlfriends.com.  It really hit home since I’m constantly reaching out to new people looking for new friendships as I struggle with my depression and all the symptoms it brings.  I signed up and received a message from Nancy thanking me for signing up and letting me know that she was living in Sausalito which meant we could meet and chat.  I met Nancy and she introduced me to her wonderful network of friends who were very friendly and supportive. I have found Nancy to be an inspiration to me as we shared our life stories.  She is an incredibly compassionate and warm person that makes you feel so comfortable.  I can actually say I consider her a mentor.  She has helped me to see the beauty in myself and how changing your thoughts can change your whole life.  I look forward to Nancy’s site growing so I can meet like minded and other supported women all over the states.

A little more about me and what’s going on in my life.  I have found myself at a major turning point.  Yet I feel real stuck.  I hate my job, barely have friends I can hang out with, no intimate relationship, have a family that I cannot rely on for any type of emotional support and in major financial debt.  I’ve been feeling hopeless.  Despite all this, I am very aware that I am a survivor.  It gets me through everyday.  I have noticed that no matter how hopeless it seems (and now is definitely that time) I have something inside me that makes me go on.  If I could just love and nurture that part of me; it’s a struggle and battle everyday.  I hope that this site will help me see that I’m not alone. 

As for me, you can say I’m funny, personable, love dogs, music, meditating, and meeting new people.  I would love to travel the world one day, if only I can get my act together financially and emotionally. 

Joni

Girlfriends girlfriend, women friendship

Hello Girlfriends -Writer  and diarist, born in Paris, Anais Nin says it best when it comes to friends.  “Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

All of us have been a girlfriend at one time or another; girlfriends have come and gone in our lives, but we continue to seek each other.  There is nothing more refreshing than when we find new, “gal pals.”  Each one of us has had that experience.  We are invigorated and can be refreshed by a chance encounter with a complete stranger.  These moments of finding new friendships are so much fun.  You make plans; you discover your similarities, your differences.  It’s equivalent to finding a new love.  At times, just like a new love affair, our girlfriend relationships start to evaporate and lose its luster.  This can happen for many reasons, it can be because your girlfriend does not agree with your new love relationship, or the decision you made about something going on in your ife.  This is why it’s so important to stay open to change and non-judgment with our girlfriends.  I know for myself, I like girlfriends that are there to support me.  To listen and hear me out when I’m experiencing a situation causing me pain or frustration.  The unfortunate thing, it’s not always like that.  There is nothing like the pain of when a girlfriend does you wrong.  It can be a betrayal, a deception, a gossip to someone else.  She promised you she won’t tell, but then you find out she did tell.  Ouch, that hurts and the TRUST has been broken.  Those are the “bitches” that our out to get us; they appear “wonderful” when you first meet then something happens.  I sometimes wonder, what happened.   I can speculate that it can be jealousy – jealousy of what you have, of who you are, the way you look. 

So I ask myself, why can’t girlfriends be there to help each other instead of compete with each other?  Before I forget, this is very important – I personally make it a point that when I see a beautiful woman (may it be inside or out) – I make sure to go up to her and tell her that!  I ask that each one of you reading this make it a point to practice this.  Okay, now back to my question, why can’t girlfriends be there to help each other instead of compete with each other.  We live in a very self centered world – we don’t feel good about ourselves, we don’t have the best self-esteem, we don’t feel smart – whatever the reasons for our own inadequacies – it spreads like wildfire onto others.  If we felt good about ourselves, and we were secure about our place in life, then we could start feeling the joy for others, and we’d want to be there for our “girlfriends”.  We wouldn’t feel jealous if they bought themselves a brand new car or a brand new pair of “fancy shoes.”  We would be happy for their success.  They worked hard to get themselves these things – share in their joy and happiness.  No competition here, but pure glee!  Again, let me restate the obvious – “if we are happy with our lives and the way we live”, then there would be no room for jealousy!

 There are 2 different type of girlfriends out there – the basement friends and the balcony friends, you know who those ladies are, the basement friends are there to bring you down, to spoil your fun – to have you second guess yourself.  Then there are the balcony friends, they are your cheerleaders, they encourage you, bring you up when you’re down, and experience the joys of life with you.  I choose to surround myself with the balcony friends and then basement friends I stay clear of.  You know how these basement friends are, we’ve all have had at least one in our lives.  They are the ones that after you leave their presence you feel about 50 pounds heavier. 

How many times have you phoned a friend and you only want their ear, but instead they give you “what you should do “speech.”  They lecture you and want to make it all better, when in reality you just need an ear to vent to.  I’m sure they want to help, but ladies, it’s about time you realized that saying nothing and just listening is the best thing a great friend can do.  You may want to try to ask questions in order for them to come up with a different plan, or allow them to think things through on “THEIR” timeline and not “YOURS.”  So ladies, let’s start complimenting each other instead of competing with each other.  Let’s start reaching out to other women and raise their self awareness.  Let’s encourage and inspire one another with the way we choose to live and not tear each other down.  We must make a conscious effort in extending a hand to other women and really listening and helping.  I will end with this quote by Roy Kroft, “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.  I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.  I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”

Sweet Friendships

Remember, may the possibilities of today excite us ALL!

Girlfriends, encouragement, inspiration, motivation Challenges, inspiration, motivation, women friendship